Search & Rescue



1043

I passed out from the amount of obvious jokes that instantly rushed to my brain. Therefore, I will just let you list them for me in your comments. Have fun.

Texas

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Search & Rescue, 9.1 out of 10 based on 22 ratings

128 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. Audie

    So I guess anyone can join?

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    September 25th, 2010

  2. gerald

    Searching for that last 5 pound bag of No Fat potatoe chips

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    September 25th, 2010

  3. Sal

    that’s a really big team!

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    September 27th, 2010

  4. Sam

    I’m guessing whoever they’re looking for is in her butt crack?

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    September 28th, 2010

  5. Jess

    EVERYTHING is bigger in Texas

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    September 29th, 2010

  6. BemidjiJack

    I’m searching for my Slider…Oh, there it is in the folds of my gunt!

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    October 11th, 2010

  7. Mo

    Call off the search boys, i found her.

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    October 12th, 2010

  8. McLovingMD

    Only thing shes searching for the the Snack section !

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    October 18th, 2010

  9. Willy the Pimp

    I’m sorry, BemidjiJack . By “GUNT” did you mean to blend the words “gut” and “c*nt”?
    If so, I applaude you.

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    October 18th, 2010

  10. Joey

    They moved the pork rinds and none of the employees know where!

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    October 19th, 2010

  11. Jon

    The wall of “Gain” boxes on her right is what really makes this photo for me.

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    October 21st, 2010

  12. charlotte

    looks like she ATE the search team

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    October 21st, 2010

  13. Erik

    Barf. Leave me lost!

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    October 23rd, 2010

  14. keepin' it real

    i’m over here…..no this way……….no over here. Are you tired of searching cause I’m tired of hiding…in plain sight!

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    October 23rd, 2010

  15. bubba brock

    Where’s the Magic Bus Lady when you need her?

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    October 25th, 2010

  16. Pope

    Whoa! So if I join the “Search TEAM” do i get one of those awesome mobile carts?

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    October 27th, 2010

  17. Pedro Hugesareo

    Remember that man miles away in the wilderness with his arm trapped under a boulder, well imagine the cel phone call”

    Man to wife: ‘God my arm is killing me….Did you contact the search team? when will they get here?

    Wife: They dispached big Mary, she is already on her scooter, heading your way. She just needed to swing by Wal Mart for snacks

    Man: You know what maybe I should just cut my effing arm off

    Wife: Probably a good idea

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    October 27th, 2010

  18. Tony

    Ehhh…. no thanks, I’ll stay lost

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    October 30th, 2010

  19. Tommy Mentzer

    911 call: Help, we’ve got a family of donuts lost in the freezer section! Please send your best!

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    November 3rd, 2010

  20. kevin

    what….no trailer for supplies?

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    November 4th, 2010

  21. K.D

    Can someone direct me to auto parts I need to get some fix a flat.

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    November 4th, 2010

  22. McFeather

    She’s searching for the bastard who bought the last Butterfingers

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    November 8th, 2010

  23. Tara Stevenson

    I would hate haveing them come find me…i would be dead before they got there…

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    November 9th, 2010

  24. R.b

    The rescue team is hiding under her coat.

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    November 14th, 2010

  25. R.b

    Feel free to search her folds.

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    November 14th, 2010

  26. R.b

    When she finds the pizza rolls the search is over.

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    November 14th, 2010

  27. R.b

    She definitely is NOT looking for slim fast.

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    November 14th, 2010

  28. R.b

    Maybe she is looking for somone to search HER.

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    November 14th, 2010

  29. R.b

    Is there even enough detergent in that aisle to wash what she’s got on?

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    November 14th, 2010

  30. R.b

    It sure would’nt take an entire search team to find HER. In fact, even if she was in another aisle I could STILL see her.

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    November 14th, 2010

  31. R.b

    She has a hard enough time searching for her feet when she puts her shoes on, how is she going to find me?

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    November 14th, 2010

  32. R.b

    Would she float, or sink?

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    November 14th, 2010

  33. R.b

    No need for body armor, that fat would stop any bullet.

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    November 14th, 2010

  34. R.b

    They will soon need a search team to find that scooter she is riding. Any volunteers?

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    November 14th, 2010

  35. Jean

    The Walmart team could not hear her request over the sound of the scooter motor……………..as she passed by the Gain and blew up like a blimp. Now she is headed for aisle 12 for a Wide Load sign, just to make it back out to the parking lot!

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    November 16th, 2010

  36. Angela

    Lets just say after seeing this im ashamed of living in Texas….

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    November 16th, 2010

  37. cherryllollo

    Her method is she sniffs them out… but she can only find them if she gets a treat.

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    November 19th, 2010

  38. Arrow

    This thing only goes up to 5mph! Slow down so I can catch up!

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    November 20th, 2010

  39. KimW16

    Wow. I bet she can search like 3 isles before she runs out of breath with that thing! Wonder how she gets around when she’s not at the grocery store.

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    November 23rd, 2010

  40. Amy

    Noting she is in the cleaning aisle…Maybe searching for The Scrubbing Bubbles Toilet Wand so she can wipe her @ss?

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    November 28th, 2010

  41. chuck

    Searching for the engineer that make that scooter–he’s a real genius!

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    December 2nd, 2010

  42. Kevr5150

    she is searching for the battery charger for the scooter, only makes it up one isle b4 it dies again!!

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    December 5th, 2010

  43. charlie

    what is she searching for….food?

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    December 6th, 2010

  44. charlie

    what is she searching for…food??

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    December 6th, 2010

  45. hayo

    i think the scooter is the one that deserves a treat

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    December 6th, 2010

  46. PapaDocs

    I’ll be damned, they finally found Paul Blart’s Mom.

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    December 9th, 2010

  47. “Rollbacks in the Cream Puff aisle? I’m on it!!”

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    December 12th, 2010

  48. Amused Employee

    for the love of god dont get lost!!!

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    December 20th, 2010

  49. Jessica VA

    search completed, I found the team and ate them all…. burrrrp!!!

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    December 21st, 2010

  50. geezer

    she is the mobile helo-pad

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    December 29th, 2010

  51. Baja_Raptor

    Ssshh people… let her sniff out the truffles so the search can be over

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    December 30th, 2010

  52. bainer

    Okay, the chocolate is in her fat rolls. Can we call off the search yet? More snacks are getting lost as we speak…

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    December 31st, 2010

  53. Bainer

    Okay! The cheese curls are in her fat roll! Can we call off the search yet? More snacks are being lost as we speak. Oops, there went the donuts. Darn.

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    December 31st, 2010

  54. FireNut

    She’s on the Urban search and rescue team, they simply pull her coat off and use it as a R.I.T. drag bag or body bags for the “Less Fluffy” Americans

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    January 1st, 2011

  55. NTX

    Searching for WHAT exactly? A 10 lb. ham?

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    January 4th, 2011

  56. truxguy

    If your searching for your Hovaround it disappeared into your a$$.

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    January 8th, 2011

  57. Miss Tress

    Baha Raptor– you just gave me a hernia! I am in tears from laughing reading yalls responses anyway and yours just sent me over the edge!! Thank you so much!!!

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    January 10th, 2011

  58. CamdensGramps

    Whose gonna get lost anywhere you can drive a huv-a-round?

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    January 12th, 2011

  59. Pascal

    This woman is curently in jail because she tryed to pass the US line with 300 pound of crack! XD

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    January 16th, 2011

  60. Kat

    If your searching for the twinkies, they’re in isle 4…

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    January 21st, 2011

  61. SnooPlow

    The search for her feet continues……

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    January 21st, 2011

  62. egr

    In other words you didn’t have any good captions.

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    January 23rd, 2011

  63. KayBug20

    That must be the 2 hardest working things in USA.

    1. The Hardest working organs
    2. The Hardest working riding scooter at Wal-Mart.

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    January 26th, 2011

  64. bubba

    your screwed if you don’t have a twinkie in your pocket she will never find you.

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    January 26th, 2011

  65. papa

    We lost are search team tent, anyone seen it?

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    January 26th, 2011

  66. b

    i wanna go to wal-mart now

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    February 1st, 2011

  67. Eric G

    Haha, Texas, of course. Land of the lard-asses.

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    February 1st, 2011

  68. bobby joe

    you guys are sooo meann….

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    February 4th, 2011

  69. ugh

    so im guessing this is the reason why my grandmother has to walk around walmart with bad legs… its because people are to fat to walk on their own legs!

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    February 5th, 2011

  70. FLY BOY

    Search “Terribly Enormous Ass Movers” “Beep- Beep- Beep!! Look out she’s backing up!!

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    February 18th, 2011

  71. GMB

    After 7 days of looking, the search team was ready to give up looking for Mary Smith. They found her nearly starved to death near a cave on the east end of the river front. Mary had already resorted to cannibalism and eaten her two children. Experts say it was the taste of human blood that drove her to finish off the entire 15 person search party. After therapy and a stern reprimand, she now wears the search team jacket in memory of their sacrifice

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    February 19th, 2011

  72. Big D

    Out of the way lady I’m looking for the Tiddy Bowel Man.

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    February 23rd, 2011

  73. Stormy

    well not everything in texas is bad, eric G :/ thank you very much :/

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    March 1st, 2011

  74. oh god, i wouldn’t want her to find me!!

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    March 14th, 2011

  75. mea

    Probably “Search Team” is an order. I guess you can find it inside of her digestive system. But I donĀ“t want to prove it.

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    March 14th, 2011

  76. Alex

    At first I thought that was a real employee….O_o

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    March 26th, 2011

  77. chanda

    well if its a search party, im guessing he got lost somewhere in the many hills of hugetopolis!!!

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    March 28th, 2011

  78. ibLOST

    Setting: in a Walmart in a lonely Texas Border town.

    Woop .. Woop! Pull over to the left aisle!! I’m with customs and must search your cart for illegal aliens … and Oreo cakesters.

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    March 30th, 2011

  79. ibLOST

    Setting: in a Walmart in a lonely Texas Border town.

    Woop .. Woop! Pull over to the left aisle!! I’m with customs and must search your cart for illegal aliens … and Greasy Meat and Candy.

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    March 30th, 2011

  80. Phil

    Searching for the Buffet Line!

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    April 14th, 2011

  81. zch

    she gave up her search a LONG time ago. for a husband that is! enjoy the shopping network for the rest of your days!

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    May 2nd, 2011

  82. searching for the snacks

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    May 5th, 2011

  83. searching for the fat men

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    May 5th, 2011

  84. ntash

    ummm hopefully that scooter has enough horse power to haul her big ass, not to mention i hope its on turtle speed could you imagine her on the rabbit speed as a toddler or young child walked in front of her…..dear god that would be the death of the child

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    May 16th, 2011

  85. JACOBY

    Only the fittest get to join the search team.

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    May 31st, 2011

  86. raeven

    it’s sad that it’s not pc to pick on someone’s race or their sexual preference but u can still make fun of fat ppl

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    June 1st, 2011

  87. belstar

    I am glad you can even do a Search at the Grand Canyon!

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    June 2nd, 2011

  88. Renee

    it looks like the whole team is in the jacket

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    June 6th, 2011

  89. Renee

    looks like the whole team hangs out in one jacket

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    June 6th, 2011

  90. Tiffaaaaa

    She’s searching for that skinny girl that’s in there somewhere…the one she (maybe) used to be. To that I say, you’re doing it wrong.

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    June 6th, 2011

  91. This is so funny because she’s fat, like so fat; so fat, she needs a scooter.

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    June 10th, 2011

  92. BAD ENGLISH

    SEEK & DESTROY

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    June 11th, 2011

  93. Sam

    What she is searching for is her neck

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    June 12th, 2011

  94. jen

    She’s searching for her bucket!

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    June 15th, 2011

  95. juicee501

    SHE NEEDS TO SEARCH FOR “JENNY”.

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    June 16th, 2011

  96. RenRen

    Yeah searchin for snacks

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    June 17th, 2011

  97. tony

    shes searching for her 120 pound qtmeal cream pie in her fing fat roll under her b**bs

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    June 18th, 2011

  98. Aven

    Am I the only one who noticed she is next to the Gain? Possible?

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    June 22nd, 2011

  99. Armando

    Sign posted at walmart in case you get lost

    Emergency procedures In the event of being lose
    1. Please open and split emergency signal twinky and we will be on our way
    2. Please do not hide in the fitness section, or diet food isle you will not be found

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    June 30th, 2011

  100. Dylan

    da na na na na na na na na na na Search Team!

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    July 8th, 2011

  101. RednekMomma

    She needs to search for the weight limit on that scooter!

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    July 10th, 2011

  102. badabing

    “I’ll teach them to never lay a hang on my butterfinger!”

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    July 12th, 2011

  103. badaboom

    So…we need to have 37 lbs. of McDonalds on us if we get lost or the rescue team just won’t bother?

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    July 25th, 2011

  104. ron

    open box of twinkies on aisle 9. i repeat, open box of twinkies on aisle 9.

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    July 25th, 2011

  105. PD

    So good that she can sniff out a Twinkie like no one else!

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    July 26th, 2011

  106. Funny People

    Is that what she had for breakfast?

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    July 27th, 2011

  107. WEB

    watcha lookin at?

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    August 4th, 2011

  108. COLTEN

    How did a beached whale get inside of walmart?

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    August 6th, 2011

  109. Ray

    That Scooter has to be custom made. No way in Hell can those little wheels tow such a heavy object. Wouldn’t you think walking would be better for this fat bytch? I wonder what size her jacket is? She should have a sign on her back that says a billion Twinkies later.

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    August 7th, 2011

  110. Ray

    How far back did the cameraman have to stand to get this THINGYMAJICK in the picture

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    August 7th, 2011

  111. Sofie

    Shes searching for the Lost twinkies! Oh wait, wait a second……….a worker just pointed her outside to the wide load sign………..aw crap. the twinkies might die now! well, they were gonna die anyway…due to the fact that she was gonna eat them alive.

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    August 24th, 2011

  112. Anonymus Person

    She said she was looking for her son, but they told her the whale exhibit is not in walmart

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    September 9th, 2011

  113. Jacob

    “Please move people! Search Team coming through. Please move Ma’am, okay can you scoot over any more? Okay, that’ll work…uuuuuuuuugh! Excuse me.”

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    September 15th, 2011

  114. TOnesway907

    Sooo i think she is the whole team i assume.

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    September 20th, 2011

  115. Brittney

    I figured it out!! She ate the WHOLE search team that was looking for the scooter that is hidden beneath the JELLY!!!

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    September 24th, 2011

  116. evilgeenyus

    ummmm in the laundry detergent section……are we searching for skid mark remover or soap to remove a crt from a bad spot or………in any case……wheres the wide load signs??

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    September 25th, 2011

  117. Lynn

    I think we’ve found where they buried Jimmy Hoffa.

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    September 27th, 2011

  118. Jay

    My guess is she ate everything on the snack and food aisles. Now she’s looking for toilet paper (probably two-plied) and that comfort wipe wand/stick to help reach her ass for when she has to go poopy.

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    October 1st, 2011

  119. tell the search boys i found the lady in the scooter that stole the jacket!

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    October 2nd, 2011

  120. Dr. Walmotts

    There’s a half-eaten jelly donut out there somewhere…and by-God…If it’s the last thing I do (and it might be), It’s comming home to mamma. “Let’s roll boys!”

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    October 16th, 2011

  121. She’s on a sea food diet, she’s sees food and eats it.

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    October 18th, 2011

  122. shagnarok

    the search for Spock ended in her fourth stomach.

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    October 24th, 2011

  123. jon lajoie

    i wonder how long it took her to search for a scooter that would hold her weight

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    October 25th, 2011

  124. Blissining 011

    …”and I stole this jacket the second time they had to hoist me out the tub”

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    October 27th, 2011

  125. DonQ

    She’s been searching for her hubby for 3 weeks and she doesn’t realize he’s stuck in her cunny!

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    November 12th, 2011

  126. LOLZ

    Hmmm, Let’s think for a moment….. how the hell is that big huge fatty gonna find that poor poor small missing person?????

    I mean her fat would get in the way!!

    Don’t you agree!??!?!?

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    November 17th, 2011

  127. John Horn

    This is the dawning of a new era. The “Valkyrie” Scooter SAR team is determined to replace SAR helicopters in 10 years time.

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    November 24th, 2011

  128. Yvonne

    I’ve been lost for more that 48 hours and food is running out. It’s cold on this mountain, but I know the “rescue team” will be here soon!

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    December 2nd, 2011

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