02.28.

Smells Like Rump

While Christmas shopping at Walmart,  my wife and I were standing in line waiting to check out.  There was a HUGE woman in front of us but we were not packed too tight where we had to be that close to her.  Since there were so few cashiers on duty,  we eventually became packed in line forcing us closer to the woman in front of us.  All of a sudden,  we both got a whiff of what I can only describe as “butt-stink”  as time passed,  we were forced closer and closer to this woman.  We eventually got to the point that there was no way out.  She smelled so bad that my wife actually began to dry heave.  There was no way we could change lines due to the heavy traffic.  I tried my best to cover my nose but that failed.  I thought about breathing through my mouth but that made me want to puke as  I didn’t want to taste that smell.  My wife had to leave the line and waited for me by the door.  After she paid for her items and started to leave,  I told her that she smelled so  nasty that people were actually feeling sick.  I have never said anything like that before but I thought it was my civic duty to tell her to clean her ass.  All she said to me was, “My husband doesn’t mind how I smell.”

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02.28.

No Returns

Over the summer, my mom was waiting in line to return something at the customer service desk.  There was some crazy lady arguing with the cashier because she wanted to return a potted houseplant.  The clerk wouldn’t return the plant because she didn’t have a receipt, there were no tags or anything on the plant, and this woman was obviously nuts and trying to scam them.  My mom stood there for over 10 minutes while they argued back and forth about the plant.  My mom was getting tired so she moved up towards the counter just to put her bag down.  Crazy lady spun around and screamed in my mom’s face, “Hey lady!!  You can’t cut in front of me!”   My mom, full blooded Italian who takes NO shit, screamed back, “Yeah, well I JUST DID, so what are you gonna do about it?  And furthermore, who the HELL returns a houseplant anyway???”  Crazy lady got offended by this and spun back around the other way… when she did, she accidentally knocked the plant onto the floor where the pot broke and all the dirt went flying everywhere.  My mom laughed out loud at what happened, and Crazy lady got really mad and stormed out of the store.

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02.28.

I Want It NOW!!!

We stopped by our local Wal-Mart one day to pick up some soda.  I don’t know how all the stores are set-up but at the few I’ve been to in southeastern WI, the soda is all the way in the back of the store.  As we were walking in there was a little boy with his mother looking at some Matchbox cars they had on display in the front of the store.  She let him pick one out but told him he couldn’t have it until they got to the car.  That clearly pissed him off and he started screaming.  Not just a little yell – no it was more like someone just cut off a limb screaming.  We could hear him clear as day as we moved to the back of the store.  Once we got to the soda aisle it sounded like he stopped.  Oh no, the fans from the freezers were just muffling the sound.  That little boy screamed for at least 5 minutes while his mom checked out.  People were getting worried and coming up to the front of the store to see if everything was okay.  Instead of leaving the store without the little car or giving it to the kid to shut him the f*ck up, she just ignored her kid.  I don’t think I’ve ever heard a kid scream that loud in my life.  I felt like smacking the shit out of that lady.  If you’re kids can’t behave in public, don’t take them out in public!!!

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02.28.

T.M.I.

I’m 17, and I’m working at the front registers. I have a huge line, probably a dozen or so people. It’s business as usual until this one lady comes up to me. She a typical Walmart shopper: power mullet, Looney Tunes t-shirt, ratty sweatpants. After saying hello, she lays her crazy right out on the register:

Crazy Lady: “Have you accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior?”

Me: “Umm…”

Crazy Lady: “I have, and I’ve given up my sinful nature!”

Me: “Good for you…”

Crazy Lady: “Yep! I’ve given up drinking, smoking, MASTURBATION!!”

Other People in My Line: *Crickets*

She said some other stuff after that, but she lost me at masturbation. The rest of the time was spent trying not to barf.

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People of Walmart - Funny Photos Of Walmart Shoppers - Humor Blog

People of Walmart is a humor blog that depicts the many customers of Walmart stores across the United States and Canada. Through funny photos and videos, People of Walmart is an entertainment blog in the Three Ring Blogs network that features over 30 of the funniest humor blogs on the internet. Walmart is the largest retail store in the United States and has millions of people visit stores each day wearing anything but proper attire. Hello Flippa.

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