Well the good news is I doubt anyone is glancing at your butt long enough to actually finish reading that.
Oh, you and a bunch of your friends grew fu-manchus for this party once and it was epic. This guy’s head is a fu-manchu! His head. Your silly party is even lamer now.
One day, while I was babysitting my 5 year old niece, my brother calls me and asks if I will run to Wal-Mart for him and get groceries. I agreed.
While my niece and I were in the store, she started acting up; talking back, not listening, running off, etc. So, like her parents would, I gave her a little swat on the bottom to make her pay attention to what I was saying. Not a hard swat, just a little tap to make her turn around and look at me. I told her to settle down and behave or else. She pouted at me a little bit but she settled down.
I looked up and saw a lady fresh out of the trailer park staring me down. I figured she had a problem with what I had just done but would not confront me about it. I was wrong. As my niece and I were leaving the aisle she grabbed my cart and said, “I should call the police and tell them what you did.”
I just gapped at Mrs. Trailer Trash as she launched into this elaborate story about how her dad spanked her as a child. She went on to say that because her dad “abused” her so, she’d had serious trouble in school, with the law, and practically every aspect of her life. As she’s describing her woes (crimes) in great detail my niece says, “It sounds like your dad didn’t spank you enough!”
I was an ICS Associate at my Walmart. One day at work, we heard that a customer was caught trying to mix his own paint in our hardware section. We all started to talk about how stupid it was that someone would do that since all the equipment was behind a counter and looked generally off limits. Later that day, I was pulling pallets out to the floor and happened to be by our paint counter. As I walked by I remembered the man from earlier and thought to myself, “Why would anyone try to go back there and make their own paint!” Then I looked up directly above the paint counter and just about fell over laughing. A large banner hung over the area that read, “Do it yourself.”