One day while working at Walmart, I heard a page for help at the fish deptartment. I know how to catch the fish so I went to help. It was a couple of girls. One had some birthday money and was trying to pick out some fish and the other is apparently her friend. When the girl finally picks out the fish she wants, her friend offers her this bit of advice.
“Now remember, when you get it home put the fish in first and THEN the gravel.” She then follows up with, “I had a bad experience with this once.”
Kinda like a cross between 1999 Britney Spears and Elly May Clampett. Now go tell your man to stop taking the ones out of your purse and throwing them at her in the middle of the store.
One day probably 4 or 5 years ago, my Dad asked me to take a trip to Walmart with him so I could help get some stuff for the house. It wasn’t a big deal, so I just decided to go with him. Luckily for me, it turned out to be pretty memorable.
So, we pull in to the parking lot and it was really crowded as usual. We had gone through probably 3-4 rows of cars trying to find a spot. As we are turning to enter a new row, the truck in front of us suddenly stopped. It was your usual run-of-the-mill Walmart vehicle…a beat-up 1980’s pickup truck. Anyway, after sitting there for a few seconds wondering what was going on, I noticed the heads of the people in the truck flailing around, and you could hear the onslaught on F-bombs with some arguing in there, as well.
Both people had fairly long hair and it was flying around with the constant head-turning and what not. The back window was tinted so you couldn’t really tell who was what…as bad as that sounds. Anyway, after we figured out they were fighting, we saw the passenger straight up punch the driver in the face. The driver then tried to hold the passengers arm down, as you can see he was leaning to the right. But, in a split second the driver pulled a half-gallon milk jug from the floor (I guess) and landed an enormous backhanded shot in the passenger’s face.
The passenger door swung open and a really skinny, blonde-haired woman walked out with a bloody nose. She began to walk away, but the driver decided it wasn’t enough so he (I’m assuming it was a guy) opened the milk jug and splashed her with the milk as she leaned in to spout a few more profanities. Cars were beginning to pile up behind us and so began the endless array of honks as she stormed away in the parking lot.
The driver then peeled out leaving the passenger walking in the parking lot.
I’m a petite brunette who has a tall thin boyfriend. We had gone our separate ways in Walmart wanting to make the trip in and out quicker. My tummy was upset from the night before of Mexican food and margaritas. As I cruised the aisles getting this and that, I felt a fart coming on. Usually just mild squeakers, I was surprised when the fart trumpeted out, followed by a warm sensation! I had crapped a little and felt more bubbling up for blast off. I squeezed my butt cheeks together as tight as I could and started to penguin walk in a shuffling kind of way to find my boyfriend, Joe. I could feel an explosion coming on and was frantic to find Joe who I knew would help me get somewhere that I would be less embarrassed. I spotted him at the end of an aisle and started to shuffle double-time towards him. Unfortunately little bubbles of poo were working their way out from between my super squeezed together backside. As I got closer I hissed “JOE! JOE!!!” Shuffling up to him I grabbed his elbow and hissed “JOE! I shit my pants!” You can imagine the tall, thin stranger’s horror when he spun around to see who had grabbed his elbow. “You’re not Joe! ” I squeaked. “No ma’am,” he said, “I reckon that is.” And it was…my Joe coming my way as fast as he could laughing his ass off at me.