I think I know someone who is petitioning to be the cover of our next book and who is also petitioning the court for mercy on his molestation charge.
I was at the ever-fantastic Wal-Mart a few days ago with my mother. I had just finished explaining to her what peopleofwalmart.com is, when she pointed to the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. She was a 6-foot black woman, mid-forties, wearing platform red pleather boots, matching mini skirt and tube top, and the nappiest hair I have ever had the pleasure of seeing. My mom and I followed her from a safe distance, watching in awe as she swept entire shelves of products into her cart: soup, bread, diapers, spices; it didn’t matter. Finally, she reached the meat section, picked the store’s full trash can off the floor, put it in her cart, and marched toward the checkout.
That was the last time I ever saw what could have possibly the very love of my life.
This looks like a middle school recess….if all the kids were drunk.
A little background info: In the fabric department of Walmart is this “Customer Projects” cork-board where customers bring in pictures of their accomplishments.
Now a little future info: The person who spent time creating baby goat outfits complete with matching hats scared away every single person in her life and now the only human interaction she has is when once a year she delivers her mincemeat pie to the county fair.