Sweet outfit there lady, it reminds me of the University of Florida…and now all I can think about is you being eaten by an alligator. Probably because he got a whiff of those bottom biscuits.
A Pennsylvania man was arrested yesterday after flashing his breast implants at fellow Walmart shoppers.
Jeremy Owens, 23, was busted following the bizarre incident at the retailer in Lackawanna County. Owens was apprehended after he left the store and boarded a municipal bus, from which he had to be forcibly removed by cops.
After being cuffed and placed in a cruiser, Owens banged his head against the vehicle’s window, apparently cutting himself in the process. Which then allowed Owens to allegedly spit blood at officers.
A Walmart manager told cops that a customer reported that he was “flashed” by a female customer. When the manager “located the female within the store,” she was yelling that she “was the best whore in town,” according to a probable cause affidavit. Subsequently, officers noted, “the female was identified and found out to actually be a male named Jeremy Christopher Owens.”
Owens, who calls himself “Jamie,” was jailed for aggravated assault, drug possession, resisting arrest, making terroristic threats, and indecent exposure.
Yesterday’s collar came two weeks after Owens was busted for lying to cops about the purported knifepoint abduction of a female friend. Owens was also nabbed in March following a disturbance at a doughnut shop (he was accused of spitting on two female customers).
Damn right it’s Friday, Rebecca Black. Let’s end this work week just like we started it, drunk. I mean, grossed out. Anyway, it’s Friday, she is wearing black and the way I’m tossing them back I’m about to black out, so I’ll call this Black Friday and that means we gotta give some shit away. Caption contest mother truckers! Leave em’ and we’ll send you a copy of one of our books or a calendar or something cool we found under our couch or something. I don’t know, stop asking questions.
One of my fellow cashiers walked up to me after getting back from her 15 minute break with a big smile on her face. I asked her why she is so happy, considering she was miserable before her break. She held out her left hand to show me a (small) diamond ring on her pinky. She then proceeded to tell me that her boyfriend of two months showed up while she was on her break, got down on one knee in front of Subway, and proposed to her. I wanted to laugh, but instead I told her how happy I was for her and all, but I did ask why it was on her pinky. “Well, he didn’t know my ring size, but he couldn’t wait any longer…” I start to say how sweet, but she added, “Because at 5:00, he is gonna go turn himself in and spend a month in jail.”
I was speechless, so I muttered an “Oh!” and luckily a customer was ready to check out so I was able to step away. She was telling everyone all about it and gushing about how romantic it was, and all I could think of was if I had been proposed to like that (and in those circumstances), I wouldn’t have told a soul.