You will not fail at what? Obtaining all the bologna in the state? I honestly didn’t know it was possible to have a poor man’s Hamburglar!
It looks less like you pooped your pans and more like you went down a slip-n-slide that was coated in poo.
You do realize that for shorts to technically fit, they do need to go up over your butt and not just hug your thighs right? I mean, obviously the answer is no you didn’t know that but I like to ask first.
Sometimes the obvious ending to a bad idea is still good to put out there as a friendly reminder.