Sir, it looks like some sort of snake / rate / ferret type of animal has burrowed itself into the back of your head and is trying to escape it from the top of your head. I feel like you should go see a doctor. Maybe a veterinarian? I’m not sure who, but somebody.
Sick 1987 photo shoot you’ve got going on right there. So subtle with the Flaming Hot potato chips. Where did you find such a creative mind to set this up?
Deck the STALLS am I right?
Those nails will come in handy when you swoop down to catch your prey.