Poem! Poem! Poem!



Twas the night before my speech and all through the house
My computer didn’t work, not even my mouse
In nothing but pajamas and messed up hair
I drove to Wal-Mart in hopes one would be there

I pull in the lot, folks were in their truck beds
Sitting in lawn chairs, cowboy hats on their heads
I saw a kid run around in a baseball cap
His parents weren’t watching, they were taking a nap

A crappy old Dodge pulled in with a loud clatter
I sprang from my car to see what was the matter
Away from the vagrants I ran with a flash
Just quickly enough to avoid the big crash

I needed to get inside so I could go
Just then I heard a very decrepit “hello”
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a 100 year old greeter standing here

Then I head back to the electronics real quick
Almost falling over an old dirty hick
I picked out a laptop with the best brand name
I called for help to get it out, but no one came

I waited for a minute, it turned into ten
Just last week there seemed to be plenty of salesmen
I wondered to myself “what happened to them all?”
I soon find a stock boy to see if he’ll call

I quickly realized he’d be no help, he’s high
So I had to start searching for another guy
I head to the bakery, but no one knew
By this time my anger mounted, and temper grew

I then spy what looks like a Gossip Girl spoof
With a man in a dress, that looked like a goof
He was with a lady that was so big around
Oh I wish the rest of her shirt could be found

Then a man in a scooter, ran over my foot
And I shouted at him, where my boot he could put
He quickly rode away and never came back
My last sight of him was nothing but his butt crack

Crippling back to the laptops made me wary
Finally I see a salesman, but he is scary
I was afraid, so I hopped to him real slow
And asked him if the computer he would now show

He turned the lock and pulled out what was beneath
And gave me a big smile that was vacant of teeth
I took the first one because his breath was smelly
Then to check out I ran, right past the deli

Once I reached the checkout I didn’t believe myself
That the person behind the counter was an elf
I couldn’t believe I could still be in bed
But I’ve been stuck at Wal-Mart for hours instead

By 2 a.m. I had finished up my work
The next thing I knew, I awoke, with a jerk
I remembered my speech and quickly arose
I wish one of those freaks I could have made pose

After my great speech, and meeting dismissal
I was eating breakfast, when I choked on a gristle
I searched for freaks on people of Wal-Mart’s website
But all I saw was a picture of me last night!

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Poem! Poem! Poem!, 9.5 out of 10 based on 19 ratings

8 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. Plo

    TL;DR

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    March 21st, 2012

  2. Lisa

    *applause*

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    March 21st, 2012

  3. Nice

    I read the next few stories to the same “tune” as T’was the Night Before Christmas after reading your poem. Very nice.

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    March 21st, 2012

  4. jeffro bodine

    eh

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    March 21st, 2012

  5. anne

    This was funny. Too bad that it’s the truth.

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    March 21st, 2012

  6. Netjnke

    At first I thought, he’s a Walmart native
    Then I realised, he’s pretty creative
    Sometimes I wish, I had such talent
    But I’m sure others wish, I’d just be silent

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    March 21st, 2012

  7. Colson

    Which picture was you, or is that just for the poem? But very clever and well written. Well done.

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    March 22nd, 2012

  8. kaitlyn

    WOW LOL people say stop you heart my ears i think people say to you give me some poems to put in the paper

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    March 22nd, 2012

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