Mustache Ride



319

I didn’t know we were on the set of a gay porno!…….The cable is working great. No, my sink if fine. No, I don’t need a spotter. No, I’m not going in the sauna after my workout. Leave me alone please.

Tennessee

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Mustache Ride, 7.2 out of 10 based on 13 ratings

162 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. TK

    I’m here to *pump* you up!!

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    October 13th, 2009

  2. Liza

    I used to be 300 pounds. Then I found Richard Simmons!

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    October 13th, 2009

  3. emily

    he obviously gets his work out by gong to walmart and a buying ton of can goods plus he is ready to go in his work out gear

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    October 13th, 2009

  4. ewwwwww

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    October 13th, 2009

  5. Ray

    mmm… nothing better than seein some man-toe @ the wally world…. i hope his boyfriend doesn’t get too jealous that all the other guys got to see what he’s packin’

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    October 13th, 2009

  6. Lenny

    Man-Crush!!!

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    October 13th, 2009

  7. KoolKid

    Hey, gay people need cheap Chinese goods too!

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    October 13th, 2009

  8. F.I.B.

    I wonder if he shits like a horse too and keeps on walkin’….

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    October 13th, 2009

  9. mels

    idk what’s worse the face that he looks like a gay porn star or that he looks like he’s on roids.. lol sexy ;)

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    October 13th, 2009

  10. mels

    idk what’s worse the fact that he looks like a gay porn star or that he looks like he’s on roids.. lol sexy

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    October 13th, 2009

  11. Skippy

    HULK SMASH!!

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    October 13th, 2009

  12. CHRISTY LYNNE

    This guy has some suppressed psychological issues from WAY back in high school wrestling. Dude, just let it go… This is bordering on indecent exposure!

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    October 13th, 2009

  13. Yasbob

    If you drop your car keys, kick them a few blocks before bending over to pick them up.

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    October 13th, 2009

  14. BMF

    As Harry said to Lloyd, “Holy jeez look and the butt on that!”
    Dumb and Dumber 1994

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    October 13th, 2009

  15. amy

    Um…much better from the back…MUCH

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    October 13th, 2009

  16. DC

    notice how he carries multiple bags lifted up a little to show off his muscles. GEEZ. I bet his wife still wears leg warmers to the gym.

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    October 13th, 2009

  17. why

    The “shorts” are so tight they’re making him bow-legged! He’s okay with that though, gives the women a better view of the goods.

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    October 13th, 2009

  18. matt

    Im not saying anything mean here about this dude, he may come and kick my ass!

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    October 13th, 2009

  19. TB

    Freddie Mercury says ” I’m baaack”.

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    October 13th, 2009

  20. Jennifer

    running shorts and a mangled muscle shirt are oh so sexy! trying WAY too hard to get a man to notice him!

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    October 13th, 2009

  21. Scum Laugher

    I know when I think “Gay Pick Up Spots”, I think Walmart!

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    October 13th, 2009

  22. JDUFF

    BEHOLD! It is I, Walmarticus! The urban gladiator!

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    October 13th, 2009

  23. Giselle

    All I can say is eeewww

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    October 13th, 2009

  24. NJMom

    He must of gone to Wal-Mart to get some cream for the chafing his shorts are causing. Look at the way he’s walking.

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    October 13th, 2009

  25. Jon

    I’ve been doing Ty-Bo for three months and so far I’ve lost 15 pounds and 20 fights.

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    October 13th, 2009

  26. CHICHI

    Are those bags of sugar inside the WM bags???

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    October 13th, 2009

  27. Pappy

    At the Y M C….Hey wait a minute this isn’t the Y. I’m taking my toys and leavin!!!!!!!

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    October 13th, 2009

  28. Laura

    He is so manly he dosn’t need a cart….

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    October 13th, 2009

  29. stachio

    It’s creeping me out that there’s a kid so near him.

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    October 13th, 2009

  30. DogBitez

    Bom chicka wah wah…

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    October 13th, 2009

  31. cleanup in aisle 17

    thank goodness his mustache has handlebars…

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    October 13th, 2009

  32. Mike

    I’m gay, and have NEVER acted, looked or even known another gay man that acted or looked that gay at a retail store!!! I’d have to shoot myself or anyone with me if this occurred. It’s sooooooo wrong!

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    October 13th, 2009

  33. Kittyhead

    That is one frightening outfit Dude…

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    October 13th, 2009

  34. cr rc mm

    No need to worry People of Wal-Mart… He’ll be back…

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    October 13th, 2009

  35. theperfectweld

    I’ve got some bad news, man. They aren’t staring because they’re jealous.

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    October 13th, 2009

  36. madison

    bringing sexy back? um maybe not

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    October 13th, 2009

  37. WalmartHero

    Looks like Borat has been working out !

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    October 13th, 2009

  38. cr rc mm

    I didnt know Wal-Mart sold steroids…..good to know.

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    October 13th, 2009

  39. JS

    I know it’s cliched and said often here, but I honestly did just throw up a little in my mouth.

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    October 13th, 2009

  40. Pook

    Its Right Said Fred….”I’m too sexy….”

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    October 13th, 2009

  41. theperfectweld

    I’ll bet there’s a Trans-Am or a Firebird out in that parking lot somewhere.

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    October 13th, 2009

  42. Grandmasdrinking

    Message to the young boy in front of him. RUN KID RUN.

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    October 13th, 2009

  43. Me

    Dude, your moose knuckle is showing.

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    October 13th, 2009

  44. Horky the living Spoodge

    Wal•Mart is home to anus adoration.

    This guy just wants to muscles to clench on and rip off any anal intruders he doesn’t desire.

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    October 13th, 2009

  45. Randy

    K-Y? check

    Mega-Growth Protein Powder? check

    Gummi-Bears? check

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    October 13th, 2009

  46. Rayzin

    a fanny pack on a fanny packer?

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    October 13th, 2009

  47. Jeff

    when the circus comes to town where else would they shop except Wally World. 9 out of 10 circus strongmen agree…..

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  48. martini girl

    wonder if he drives the Hello Kitty car posted earlier…

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  49. Ned.....

    I thought Ned Flanders was fictional. Okaly dokaly.

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    October 13th, 2009

  50. Jordan

    Ha! I knew it! John Holmes isn’t dead!
    He’s been working out a bit though.

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  51. Fly Guy

    I didn’t know JAMBY was so buff.

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  52. MD

    Looks like he’s walking kind of funny.

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    October 13th, 2009

  53. Repeaterknee

    Those shorts split his boys in four places. ew.

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  54. Melisande

    It looks like Swanson chicken broth in the bags…awww, such a good boy, making soup for his momma!

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    October 13th, 2009

  55. dom

    Thats Borats Brother!!

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    October 13th, 2009

  56. disgusted

    Firebird?? THIS guy clearly drives the same mid 80s Mustang that he drove in HS!

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  57. Kat Lane

    Next spokesman for Subway. You too can look like this from eating at Subway just like me and Jared!

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  58. Mico

    Apparently, he’s not in wrestling for sport, unless pinning on you hindquarters counts.

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  59. BigBadWolf65

    Skip,skip.skip to my Lou ,Skip ,skip,skip to my Lou …….

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  60. reck13

    This guy also likes to walk around naked in the locker room at the gym a lot. He also spends hours in front of a mirror flexing.

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  61. Manbear

    Prep. H would help with the problem making him walk silly.

    Maybe he should straighten out before he needs Depends®.

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  62. Moons in Leo

    I’m thinking he was a member of the Soviet Olympic team circa 1980, escaped to the U.S. (apparently landing in Tennessee) and still wears the tard he wore when leaving the country.

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    October 13th, 2009

  63. omg! this is the walmart in my area!!! ha i live in tennessee :)

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    October 13th, 2009

  64. wesperado

    It’s Lou Ferrigno and somebdy just made him angry! Hulk on!

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    October 13th, 2009

  65. A physically fit person in a Wal-Mart? At least he upholds the tradition of being inappropriately dressed.

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  66. jdredd

    it’s the American cousin of Bruno

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  67. vio

    Oh lord…. Gotta love how even walks like he’s been sodomized one too many times.

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    October 13th, 2009

  68. The Goon

    I GOT ZEE GROCERIES .. NOW GET TO ZEE CHOPPA .. AHYEEEYYAYAYAYEEEYA!!!!!

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    October 13th, 2009

  69. wow, i’m not sure what to think about this

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    October 13th, 2009

  70. Shadopilot

    “I must break you!”

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    October 13th, 2009

  71. X marks the spot. You know what I mean.

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    October 13th, 2009

  72. Carla

    Take that picture of my dad down from your site, right NOW.

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    October 13th, 2009

  73. Killski

    You should probably be arrested just for wearing that around kids.

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    October 13th, 2009

  74. Bob

    This is in Murfreesboro, TN. This guy goes to my gym and wears stuff like this all the time. This is actually pretty tame compared to his gym attire. You can usually spot him on the glute-ham raise or in front of the mirror yawn-posing.

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    October 13th, 2009

  75. tuanogus

    This man is not gay. He’s wearing white socks (and shoes).

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    October 13th, 2009

  76. John

    Is this a Schwarzenegger wannabe???

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    October 13th, 2009

  77. This guy’s weiner is made of playdoh.

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    October 13th, 2009

  78. gtrman

    If he’s not a queer, he missed his calling.

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    October 13th, 2009

  79. In the bag is his dick-sling.

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    October 13th, 2009

  80. I am so wet lookin’ at this guy, I’m creaming the corn coming out of my ass.

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  81. Grey

    who the hell lets these half naked people into Walmart? Stupid door greeters aren’t doing their jobs!

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    October 13th, 2009

  82. I just licked him clean inside and out. Especially inside.

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    October 13th, 2009

  83. piesmama

    Any ‘Family Guy’ fans here? He looks like one of those old fashioned strong-man weight lifters that pop up from time to time, the one is named Phineus I believe…..

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    October 13th, 2009

  84. MJD

    Hans is missing his buddy Frans… so he consoles himself by seeking refuge at the local Wal Mart…..

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    October 13th, 2009

  85. Tesa

    LOOKS A HELL OF ALOT BETTER THAN THE OTHER FAT ASSES ON HERE!! GOTTA GIVE HIM THAT

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    October 13th, 2009

  86. riverbrat

    Deliverance.

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    October 13th, 2009

  87. Photographer of Mustache Ride Man

    I dont know what was funnier, the fact he looked like an 80s porn guy or that to boot, he had on a fanny pack which is not visible in the picture!!!

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    October 13th, 2009

  88. yikes

    I’d much rather look at this then someone’s nasty butt crack. At least he is keeping in shape better than most of us couch potatos out here being judgemental.

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    October 13th, 2009

  89. spike

    What car, he probably jogged down there. You don’t stay in shape putting your fat butt in a car and drive down there,and look for a parking space as close to the door as you can get.

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    October 13th, 2009

  90. Emily

    “I vant to pump you up”

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    October 13th, 2009

  91. shileena

    That outfit is kinda douche-y

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    October 13th, 2009

  92. Twisted Sister

    You KNOW he was strutting all through da ‘Mart thinking, “Damn, I look GOOD!”

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    October 13th, 2009

  93. prcrap

    Later that night, his girlfriend ShiLeena – much disappointed — found out why Hans was saving himself for marriage.

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    October 13th, 2009

  94. Ty

    I see this guy all the time, he goes to the same Wal-Mart I do… usually his outfit is complete with a fanny pack (which you can sort of make out in the picture). He is a LEGEND at the walmart by wearing the same thing, summer or winter… and the picture doesn’t do it justice, but you can totally see his package in those shorts (fanny pack hangs to the side for optimal viewing).

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    October 13th, 2009

  95. BWR

    What’s he gonna do with all that Vaseline in the bag?

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    October 13th, 2009

  96. Cheuvront

    Thank God for Steroids or we might have gotten to see frank and beans too!

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    October 13th, 2009

  97. Frank The Tank

    “Ya know back in 1982, I could throw a pigskin a quarter mile . . .”

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    October 13th, 2009

  98. SlaysGirl

    Yeah it’s a little more than I wanna see (ok a LOT more) but at least he’s in shape…and for all the fatties on the site, I said IN SHAPE not A SHAPE…just because your shape is circle doens’t count!!!

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    October 13th, 2009

  99. Sean

    its funny when buff guys walk around showin everyone how buff they are.all struttin.

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    October 13th, 2009

  100. Bullz

    OMG! it’s Toney Little from QVC’s brother! He has a court order but seems to be checking out the little boy and flexing just a bit….checking for Amber alerts from Tennessee……

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    October 14th, 2009

  101. Ted

    I’m kind of concerned how he spots himself at the gym.

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    October 14th, 2009

  102. at least he has a halfway decent body… women i’ve seen at wallyworld with their boobs, bellies and butts hanging out should look so good! isn’t it weird that women can wear really way out and stupid looking crap but a man has to always play it straight?

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    October 14th, 2009

  103. Lauren

    This is from my towns wal-mart, this guy goes to the gym I tan at and the first time I saw him…. porn star was my first thought too.

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    October 14th, 2009

  104. Bill

    Mustache ride implies cunnilingus. Which is the last thing a gay man would want to do.

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    October 14th, 2009

  105. Lyndsey Catastrophe

    So what gives? My walmart only has a mcdonalds, subway is much better!!!
    But in other words – SHOW OFF!!!

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    October 14th, 2009

  106. monkeyman

    Totally gay porn material. I can see this guy saying some line like, “My name is Richard but you can call me…….Dick”

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    October 14th, 2009

  107. granny panties

    LOL

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    October 14th, 2009

  108. Matty Matt

    I am sure I will get plenty of dislikes for this but if you really look at his face and gait it looks like he has some sort of physical/mental deformity. That said he is trying to overcompensate for it with huge muscles and a totally absurd outfit…but maybe he doesn’t know any better.

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    October 14th, 2009

  109. stanimal

    1981 Called, they want their shorts and mustache back

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    October 14th, 2009

  110. Katie

    Fantastic!

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    October 14th, 2009

  111. Walmart good, Target Bad!!!

    “It’s raining Men! Halleluiah! It’s raining Men! Amen!” Quick! Somebody put me out of my misery! Can’t get this damn song out of my head!

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    October 14th, 2009

  112. Monica

    Why, WHYYYYYY must we be tormented by the muscular moose knuckle??

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    October 14th, 2009

  113. Noneya

    I knew Freddie Mercury wasn’t dead.

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    October 14th, 2009

  114. Small-Wart

    I wish my Wal-Mart had a Subway. Oh, and BTW…lookin’ good, Mr. Kotter!

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    October 14th, 2009

  115. mikey

    I just baught 4 gallons of baby oil……..who wants to wrastle?

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    October 14th, 2009

  116. FLARBY

    Question for those posters who see this guy all the time: is he really gay or just a borderline exhibitionist?

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    October 14th, 2009

  117. AJ

    I’d do him, or let him do me. He’s hot and he’s got a pretty nice looking basket (and I’m not talking about the Wal-Mart cart, either). ;)

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    October 14th, 2009

  118. Goin’ to the mustachio bashio.

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    October 14th, 2009

  119. Sarah - Wales UK

    It’s Borat!!!!! Verrry nice!

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    October 14th, 2009

  120. Grace

    Whoever wrote the caption sure knows a lot about what goes on in gay porn. >.<

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    October 14th, 2009

  121. Steve

    Gonna jump in my Firebird GTA (red of course)and listen to Styx or Journey on my cassette deck. 1980 ~ 90′s throwback.

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    October 14th, 2009

  122. Jen

    lol Liza…he found Richard Simmons, and apparently his wardrobe as well…

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    October 14th, 2009

  123. Lola

    Nothing strange going on here…
    What? You’ve never seen a grown man in a onesy leotard? Well then, it’s your lucky day!! ;)

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    October 14th, 2009

  124. Bob

    Go home and put on some real clothing.

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    October 14th, 2009

  125. Monica

    At least he’s not all oiled up… eeewwww…

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    October 14th, 2009

  126. Mirror, mirror

    He’s at the gym making loud grunting noises during dead lifts. The guy who slams the weights down hard to attract more admiring gazes. He is forever looking at himself in the mirror, wears workout gear everywhere, and is highly offended when a gay guy hits on him in the WalMart parking lot.

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    October 14th, 2009

  127. Jackson

    Does anyone notice that he’s starring awfully hard it that guys butt?

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    October 14th, 2009

  128. Belchee

    That’s my mom. Please, stop mocking her. It’s not her fault the shorts are chafing her.

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    October 14th, 2009

  129. meeeeeeee

    I know this man!! He comes into my work right next door to this Wal-Mart all the time…what kills me is that there isn’t even a gym nearby! He goes out of his way to be as inappropriate as possible.

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    October 14th, 2009

  130. jon

    …H O T!

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    October 15th, 2009

  131. Ashley

    Holy crap. I think that’s gay frank. A friend used to see him at Kroger all the time. Didn’t know his name, just called him gay frank. I recognize him from the description alone!

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    October 15th, 2009

  132. Katie

    Borat?

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    October 15th, 2009

  133. sam walnuts

    I bet he was shopping for some Village People clothes.

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    October 15th, 2009

  134. Monica

    You see all this?? It’s aaaall real…..except the stache

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    October 15th, 2009

  135. Chris

    Even at the gym this guy gets strange looks, let alone at the grocery.

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    October 15th, 2009

  136. WALMARTRULZ

    Check out how he’s staring at that little boy’s ass. 10 bucks says he’s got sleeping pills, condoms, and a bag of skittles in that bag.

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    October 15th, 2009

  137. juarez

    Why is such a muscley guy struggling so hard with those bags?

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    October 15th, 2009

  138. james

    Who knew John Stossel was ripped?

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    October 15th, 2009

  139. Osley

    waaaawww….oh yeah biseps..biseps..triseps..triseps..biseps..oh wait thats not biseps..thats a comedo..but wait..come to think of it’s a dick….AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH….

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    October 15th, 2009

  140. SamIAm

    Leave him alone, my ass. He probably goes to Wal-Mart to pick up chicks.

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    October 15th, 2009

  141. shamajuju

    Thanks!!! That is the funniest damn caption I’ve read in a long time.

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    October 15th, 2009

  142. Tara

    I use to work at that walmart. I saw that guy all the time. One day I had to tell my managers about how he was trying to beat up the self checkout machine when it wouldn’t take his messed up 20 dollar bill.

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    October 15th, 2009

  143. VINNIE

    Where does he keep his wallet and car keys? …wait, don’t tell me.

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    October 16th, 2009

  144. LuLu

    He comes to the store I work at. Wearing exactly the same outfit. Drives a red Grand Am with windows down and techno music blaring (I s*#& you not!). But I have seen him with actual pants on and a sweater. Sadly, a coworker was once a witness to him bending over in those shorts. Lets just say that underwear was not involved and EVERYTHING was out for viewing.

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    October 16th, 2009

  145. shebeast

    This guy is a local legend in my town! I used to work at Home Depot when I was in college he used to come in all the time. Some of my friends have actually witnessed his dangles falling out of those shorts a couple different times. Lets face it they don’t have far to fall… er….slide!!! We used to call him the Nut Smuggler or Spandex Guy.

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    October 17th, 2009

  146. krob

    the sad thing is ive seen that guy in person

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    October 18th, 2009

  147. Night Shift Monkey

    It’s fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.!

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    October 19th, 2009

  148. emnew

    I THINK HE’S HOOOOT!……..YOU CAN COME DOWN TO MY LOCAL WALMART ANYTIME YOU WANT HONEY! RAWWRR!

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    October 21st, 2009

  149. ALMONDJOY

    The sad thing? No telling whats in his beg!

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    October 21st, 2009

  150. Jim

    he shops at kroger too and someone accused him of stealing a cucumber…

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    October 25th, 2009

  151. DL

    CHUCK NORRIS is that you?!

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    October 26th, 2009

  152. Heather

    The really funny thing about this is it looks like he’s having trouble carrying his bags

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    October 28th, 2009

  153. Todd

    are you going to tell this dude what to wear? I’m not!

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    October 29th, 2009

  154. Naboo

    Is that a midget on steroids?

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    October 30th, 2009

  155. Жаль, что не смогу сейчас участвовать в обсуждении. Очень мало информации. Но эта тема меня очень интересует.

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    October 30th, 2009

  156. Timber

    Meh. I think he’s pretty damn hot. ;)

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    November 3rd, 2009

  157. Kevin

    Here we see the majestic queer stalking its prey. any sudden lean forward and it will pounce.

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    November 5th, 2009

  158. hOOF hEARTED

    Man this bag of rice cakes is heavy!!

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    November 6th, 2009

  159. Matt

    I’ve seen THAT guy! or someone that has wore the same exact clothes!

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    November 8th, 2009

  160. bubbaJ

    That there is one of those Gold’s Gym Members!!

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    November 20th, 2009

  161. Realdragon

    Say what you will, but the guy’s got AWESOME legs!

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    November 22nd, 2009

  162. Tairra

    His shorts may be WAY to short but I would rather look at this then some 300 pound lady with short shorts and a camel toe. This site has ENOUGH of those already! :)

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    May 1st, 2012

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