Stories
September 9th, 2010
So Close
I was in the world of Wally the other day with my husband, grabbing a few items we needed, but couldn’t get in a one stop spot save from Walmart. Reluctantly, we grabbed a cart, and to our surprise, it wasn’t broken. We made our way through the store to pick up milk, shampoo, a new Rock band controller, some yarn and dog food. Went off without a hitch. Everything was on the shelves, clearly marked and priced, and an associate even offered help on her own free will. There weren’t any screaming babies or half clad over weight women. I didn’t even see a single mullet. Convinced I was about to wake up at any moment, I decided to rush to the front to pay for our items and high tail it outta there to see if we’d won the lottery or inherited some small profitable country. We get to the front, and the lanes are open. Open with no customers. No waiting to check out… Surely hell’s temperature had dropped to 14 Kelvins. We check out and just as we’re about to hand over the money, the store manager walked by us. There was a smell lingering in the air so putrid I gagged. I looked around, and the manager himself had exploded in what must’ve been the in store Taco Bell, and there is feces stained on the back of his pants and coming down his right leg, even leaving a trail on the floor. I swiped my card as quickly as I could, exchanged a look with my husband of disgust and we hurriedly left the store.
Once we got to the car I felt very foolish and stupid that I could assume a perfect visit to Walmart is more than just fantasy… still beating myself up over than one.
September 9th, 2010
Time For A Swim
Now I am not one to bad mouth people on assistance, my oldest son was seriously ill when he was a baby and I was on it for four months until he was healthy enough to be left with a sitter. Some times though I meet people who really need a reality check and to set their priorities straight.
It’s almost time for the kids to go back to school here in Toronto so I was hitting up Walmart for some of their fabulous deals. In our local one, the back to school section is right beside seasonal so you can’t help but notice their newly discounted summer items. I was standing beside two ladies who were complaining about their meager welfare cheques (sorry checks in the U.S. right?) and how after they were done back to school shopping, there was no way they could afford groceries and would have to hit up the food bank. Next thing I know, an associate is walking up to them with a cart asking them which pools they wanted, yep not one but both were taking advantage of the pool sale, reg $379 on sale for $279.
One of the ladies looked over her shoulder and noticed that I was looking at them and laughed, “Can’t say no to a deal like that?” To which I replied back, “Yep, who needs food when you have a pool right?” Both were speechless and a guy up the aisle started laughing and yelled back “You have balls. Big shiny gold ones, not even I could dig mine out to say something to them!”
Now normally I would have been like him and bit my tongue, but in my humble opinion, if you’re bitching about not being able to afford groceries and having to hit the food bank up you should NOT be spending that kind of money on a pool. It’s called priorities people, feeding your kids comes long before a swimming pool especially in a city that offers FREE swimming for everyone at their pools!
September 9th, 2010
The Old Switch-A-Roo
I live in a town in central Pennsylvania. A few months ago, they built a new Walmart on the south side of town so I went down there to check it out and pick up a few things. As I’m going through the sports section, I heard a lady getting really pissed off and kept hearing bags open. I peeked my head around the corner and saw this 350 lb. dirty redneck lady pouring Cocoa Pebbles out of the box they were in and into a bag of Dyno Bites (which im also sure everyone knows what they are) if not,they are pretty much the bootleg version of Cocoa Pebbles and cheaper. I just stopped and stared in awe as shes pouring the contents of the Dyno Bites bag onto the shelf behind some helmets. She stopped and looked at me and offered to pour me a bag of some Pebbles. Generous?
September 2nd, 2010
Unedited For Your Enjoyment
I have worked in Cosmetics for most of my adult life. We’re talking in a department store like Neiman-Marcus, Nordstrom, etc. so when we moved to a little place in the Foothills above Sacramento, I was limited as to where to work. Wal-Mart was it – so I applied. At first, when I was in Cosmetics, it was actually not that bad– aside from hillbillies trying to steal Maybelline, it was a job. Soon, however- I became a department manager— and then it rolled right down hill. Being a gay guy working for Wal-Mart is already like being a traitor to one’s race, but for a bit I was the Department Mnager for Intimate Apparel/ Hosiery/ Handbags/ Bras and Panties…… I KNOW– if I were a cross-dresser–hot!– but I am not and even though I am gay–it’s a little unnerving to be doing price changes on bras while women are trying them on. At least I thought they would be……………
Day 1: A woman with tits down to her ankles, fully discards her top – titties to the ground…pulls them up and shoves them in my face and says
“Ya got anything for these babies/” -her smile and beguiling summer teeth ( summer gone, summer black, etc.) tauntig me. Swallowing the vomit in my mouth I pointed to the tube socks and said—- “those outta work”…… I was written up for it.
Day 3: I am handed a metal spatula — the kind you would do caulking with — on a lanyard. I was like ????????? WTF? I should have known. When I asked about it– my little dressing room associate said –it’s to scrape the pantyliners from the swimsuits off the dressing room walls.
YUP. Nasty. The fact that is was on a lanyard to wear around your neck –unbelieveable.
THE KICKER: Some senior citizens have SERIOUS incontinence issues. We get it. Wear your depends and live your life. People steal A LOT from Wal-Mart, so it comes as no surprise to find dirty jeans in a heap on the dressing room floor–switched out for new ones. Beware of inside-out ones tho— as a girl associate of mine found out — she put her hand down the pantleg to turn it out and came back with an armful of shit. I am talkin from shoulder to nail covered in human excrement. It’s no wonder good help is hard to find…….shitty customers make it so.
