Stories
August 24th, 2010
Encore!
So this new Walmart was opening just down the road from my high school. It received a lot of news coverage because it took up a whole bunch of land and people were worried about the social status of having a Walmart in a mainly conservative town; what they didn’t realize is how many jobs it created… anyways, I guess my principal decided that for the grand opening the band, color guard, and choir should all go down the street and perform for all the costumers. So the store opened at like 9:00 am on a tuesday so the band, color guard and choir got in the school busses and headed to Walmart. I was part of the choir so, yes I had to go to this opening. We got there and unloaded off the busses and walked in. Near the produce section next to a stand full of ripe strawberries was a small stage. We soon realized there were no costumers the whole audience was Walmart employees or like people who worked for the walmart corporation higher up. We also found out we weren’t the only people to put on a show. There was also the city’s baseball team mascot and a local university’s cheer team. so after some old guy spoke about the new Walmart he introduced us and we sang the national anthem and then the band played followed by the cheer team. All of the students got really excited because now that we were finished we could go shop, but our choir director said we must go back to school and that we couldn’t shop so there was only one good thing about singing at the opening of a walmart… skipping school!
August 24th, 2010
Some People Say Cucumbers Taste Better Pickled
I have been a cashier at walmart for only a short time, when a young maybe about 15 year old girl walks up to the 20 items or less aisle with 4 items. one of those large cucumbers in shrink wrap and four boxes of condoms… I smile a completed the transaction in silence. At the end of the transaction the young girl processes to say, “This isnt what you think the cucumber is for my boyfriend.” I laughed until I cried.
August 24th, 2010
Parrots Are People Too
I was working for a summer at a Wal-Mart as a cashier. No one told me that this is the weirdest position to have. You are the one who interacts with the customers the most, and as a result you get to hear the weirdest sh**. One day, I was working a regular, boring morning shift, and a man comes through my till with a bag of parrot food. I said good morning, and he grunts in the usual way a customer does if they don’t particularly want to talk to me. So I just scan the parrot food, and it comes in (for a four pound bag) to be about thirteen dollars. He looks very shocked, and I’m expecting him to say something like “it said on the sign it was only…” but instead he just smiles at me (in a very creepy way) and this is how the following conversation went:
Man: Do you have a senior citizen discount…?
Me: Sorry, sir, we don’t.
Man: YOU DIDN’T LET ME FINISH! Do you have a senior citizen discount for parrots? I have a very old parrot.
Me: (stifling laughter) No, sir, I’m sorry. That’ll be thirteen dollars.
(Then man then proceeds to reach into his pocket and throw down a bunch of change and dollar bills. I stand there for a moment, and then he glares at me, expecting me to fish through all the money myself. I do so, wanting him out of the store sooner rather than later. He then stares at the remaining change on the conveyor belt.)
Me: Here’s your receipt, sir.
(The man, ignoring me, starts to collect the change on the conveyor belt.)
Man: I can’t believe you made me dump my pockets on here.
(I wasn’t sure what to say or do, so I just offered him his receipt again.)
Man: (picking up the bag, and smiling) Thank you. My life partner and I thank you.
(I’m pretty sure by life partner he meant his parrot, because as he said this, he pointed at the parrot on the bag. I never had another customer that scared me that much.)
August 23rd, 2010
You Better Watch Yourself…
I’ve been working for Wal-Mart for a couple of years and I am still continually shocked and amazed by some of the people that I see walking through the store on a daily basis.
A few days ago, I was dealing with a customer who was angry because we had stopped carrying a certain brand of coffee. I explained to him, as politely as I could, that it’s the home office in Arkansas that decides what we do and do not sell. I understood why he was upset but, unfortunately, there was nothing I could do about it.
Finally, he glared at me and he said (I swear to God), “You better watch yourself or you’re going to end up on People of Wal-Mart,” before he then stormed out of the store.
Now, what truly made this funny is that the guy himself was in his late 50s with a gray-streaked mullet and a Fu Manchu mustache. He was somewhere around 6′5 and, since I’m only 5′5, that means that the whole time he was talking to me, I was basically staring at the biggest, flabbiest beer belly I’ve ever seen. His gut was especially noticeable because 1) it was hanging over the waistband of his red shorts and 2) the grease-stained white t-shirt he was wearing was way too small to cover it.
Oh, and to just add the perfect touch, he was wearing flip-flops.
Now, I have to admit that I probably don’t look that hot in my daily uniform of khaki pants and green polo shirt but seriously, I just wanted to ask the guy if he had ever looked in a mirror before.
As obnoxius as the guy was, I’m hoping he does come back in the store to complain again so I can at least get a picture to prove that he actually does exist.
