Thank goodness summer is almost over and all these guys that think they’ve got frat boy beach bodies instead of haven’t-worked-out-in-23-years bodies can put a shirt back on.
Okay, your grandfather calls you because he needs you to take him to Walmart to pick up some condoms. Are you more embarrassed when he walks out of the house to your car in blueberry yoga pants or a dress?
It wouldn’t be a launch party of our new book People of Walmart: Of the People, By the People, For the People without my favorite game Who Wears It Better: Skeezer Tat Edition. So my people, which lady would you prefer to get an STD from?
Florida & Pennsylvania
Darlin’, I think you’re referrin’ to my song Pina Coladaburg a little song I wrote seven and a half f*cking years before Margaritaville was even on the map! Son of a son of a bitch!