January 31st, 2013
Wow another damn monkey just chillin’ in Walmart like that’s the cool thing to do these days. Since nobody listens to me I’ve decided to allow one exception to my “no monkeys in Walmart” rule. – If you have a monkey, you better also have a boombox (80′s style only) blasting Beastie Boys’ Brass Monkey. If not, you can get the hell out.
December 11th, 2012
No use actually buying toilet paper when you’re just gonna let it air dry. Either have poor hygiene or poor fiscal responsibility, not both.
November 9th, 2012
Damn right it’s Friday, Rebecca Black. Let’s end this work week just like we started it, drunk. I mean, grossed out. Anyway, it’s Friday, she is wearing black and the way I’m tossing them back I’m about to black out, so I’ll call this Black Friday and that means we gotta give some shit away. Caption contest mother truckers! Leave em’ and we’ll send you a copy of one of our books or a calendar or something cool we found under our couch or something. I don’t know, stop asking questions.