My mom used to be a Customer Service Manager at Wally World. I went to pick her up one day, and as we were walking out this old lady grabs my mom’s arm and says she needs help. The following exchange took place:
Mom- “What can I help you with, ma’am?”
Lady- “My husband is trying to kill me!”
Mom- “What? How?”
Lady- “Well, I’m allergic to peanuts and I think he put peanuts in my chips!” (She then pulls out an bag of chips that have not been opened).
Mom- “Those are not open, so how would he have put peanuts in them?”
Lady- ” I don’t know, I think he injects them with a needle!!!”
We helped the lady to the breakroom and let her call the cops to “investigate”.
I can’t believe that I’m even submitting this story, but it’s too good NOT to share.
It was Mexican night. We’d had refried beans, tacos… quite literally, the whole enchilada. My step-daughter and I were browsing in the toy department for a board game that we could take back for a family game night. I saw one title that piqued my interest, and I practically climbed the shelves to grab the box from the top shelf. After about five minutes of reading about the game, I decided it wasn’t “the one,” and I stretched back on tiptoe to put it back on the top shelf. It didn’t sit well. In fact, it wobbled and started to fall back towards my step-daughter’s head. In an attempt to save her from being beaned by the boardgame, I jumped up to catch the falling box. As I came back down… it happened. It’s funny how a fart seems so much louder when it’s happening in a public setting… and under duress.
My step-daughter’s eyes grew as big as saucers, and she whispered, “I know you didn’t just…” I just fell into laughter… until…
That’s when I realized that there was this kid standing right behind me… about butt level. I had farted on some random child in the Wal-mart toy department! His parents and siblings thought it was hilarious… I did, too… even though it was incredibly embarrassing at the time.
I just want to say to that kid… wherever you are… I’m sorry for cutting the cheese on your head. Blame it on gravity…
While working in the Photo Lab, we see lots of interesting photos. One day, a co-worker of mine came across some photos that were XXX rated. They showed a guy that was very proud of the “equipment” he was “blessed” with. Most of the pictures were taken by him using the mirror on the dresser in the room. One even included a girl. I could not believe they had been dropped off for the instore one hour processing. I mean don’t they know we have to check them to make sure they turn out ok? Anyway, we are not allowed to process photos that include nudity, so most of them were not printed. The funny part is that the girl that was in one of the pictures was the one that came to pick them up. She was clearly pregnant. It took all we could to keep a straight face during the transaction. I kept want to say, “Judging by those photos, you must be having a boy”
I worked at walmart for a little over two years, and in that time I was not exactly a model employee, though my apparent seniority had me training all the new people in the back room. I trained most of them to treat the customers like farm animals and never pay them any real attention.
One of the new guys should have payed attention to that part of the training, as he shall forever regret asking a customer if he could help. In the cereal aisle, he sees this creature shopping approaches to greet with a smile. “May I help you sir?” It turns it’s head and looks directly at him. He shrinks back and squeaks out “….m’am?” As if he wasn’t certain.
It just grumbles out in this deep voice, “That’s fucked up.” and lumbers off to continue its shopping. He was devastated.