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03.03.

Heard It Through The Grape Vine

I work at WalMart (hey, it’s a job). There’s the share of extremely nice customers, mixed with the few that we wish we had the balls to snap a photo for this site (on a daily basis).

I had a woman come and ask for help on a kiosk (in the photo center). She was in her late 40’s and me being nice obliged her. She rattled on and on about how helpful I was, how adorable I was, how sweet I was, and it made me a little bit uncomfortable. I tried several times to slowly just make it back to the counter, but she’d ask me a new question, peppered with “Sweetie” and “Baby”.

I noticed after that, that our market team had arrived and had started watching from the next isle over. So wanting to make a good impression, I stayed with the woman and helped her with everything.

She was showing me photos of her “Romantic” vacation, and suddenly asked “have you ever been hand fed grapes?” I replied “no”. She replied to that with “oh you should try it, it’s very romantic”

When she returned to pick up her photos, she had a bag of grapes in the cart, plucked one out and said “Take it” So I held out my hand and she said “No silly, I’m going to feed you the grape.”

I was VERY uncomfortable at this point, and noticed the market team and managers now in a better viewing position snickering and nodding their head ‘yes’.

So I ate the grape. From her hand. And she left.

Really nice woman, though.

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03.03.

Brotherly Love

Well brothers tend to do embarrassing things to each other on a regular basis, I remember several occasions of flooring, wedgies, ghost pushes and whatnot occurring at the Mart, mostly happening to my younger brother much to his lament. Little did I know he had diabolical revenge planned. It started with slipping me some crushed up ex-lax type pills in my sandwich before the weekly Walmart trip, I had no idea anything was amiss till we were cruzin the electronics section and I felt the hand of nature reach out and grip my bowels with tremendous force. He must have seen the look on my face as a started booking to the bathroom cause he followed to enjoy the product of his treachery. I didn’t make it all the way, maybe 3/4 of the way before there was a presence in my shorts, which sped up my run and increased the area affected. Once in the restroom I raced to a stall thankfully they were all empty. Moments later Ii hear the door open and my brothers maniacal laughter rang through the small room as my guts poured out. Needless to say I began to swear my own revenge and call him every name I could think of. A few minutes passed and i was feeling sightly better, enough to begin to think about cleaning myself up – which i would need help with. I began to yell at him to bring me a warm wet paper towel with soap and a second one without soap and a third dry. No response. I began to get really upset. I demanded finally “Get me the fucking towels now or you fucking die no joke your throat will be in my hands, I have nothing to lose I’m covered in shit and I’ll come out of this stall and kick your ass with my pants down!” Moments later the towels I requested appeared under the stall. A few moments more and I emerged from the stall to see a somewhat shaken middle aged man washing his hands, he saw me and immediately looked away mumbling an apology about my misfortune. My brother had never been in the bathroom, I had heard his laughing through the cold air return……

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Rating: 8.5/10 (24 votes cast)
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Rating: +10 (from 10 votes)

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03.03.

Perfumaniac

I needed to go to Wal-Mart to pick up a few things, and decided to take my 2 year old daughter with me. Earlier that day she had doused herself in my perfume, but I didn’t have time to give her a bath before we left, so when we arrived at Wal-Mart she reeked of Versace Crystal perfume. 10 minutes into our trip after cruising a few of the aisles and putting items in the cart, we came to the baking goods. I was selecting some nice raisins from the shelf when a gangster wannabe (dressed all in white, chains, hat on sideways with a bandana underneath it, skater shorts, and sneakers) wedged himself between my cart and the shelving apparatus. I said to my daughter “Oh, I guess this guy needs to get in here, lets move the cart.” at which point he asks me what kind of perfume I’m wearing. I told him the story about how my daughter doused herself in my perfume before we came and that that must be what he’s smelling. Then, in an over-the-top creepy sinister voice he says “No really, what kind of perfume is it? It makes me go all *insert awkward animal noise here*.” Then things went from bad to worse when he said “I’m going to be honest with you, I’ve been following you since the frozen food aisle, and I just wanted to see if you were wearing a ring or not.” At this point I plucked my daughter out of the cart and left the store.

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03.03.

Drunk Driving

While working third shift at Walmart during college, I witnessed an older woman come in around 3 am one night and grab an electric scooter. This was on a Saturday night / Sunday morning, and due to the blue laws where I was we had to shut down the beer cooler at midnight. The woman proceeded to the beer cooler and grabbed a six pack. For the next hour she drove around the store, on the scooter, drinking her beer. When we finally realized what she was doing we asked her to leave, at which time she stood up from the scooter and had urinated all over the seat. Good times.

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Rating: 7.8/10 (16 votes cast)
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Rating: +6 (from 6 votes)

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People of Walmart - Funny Photos Of Walmart Shoppers - Humor Blog

People of Walmart is a humor blog that depicts the many customers of Walmart stores across the United States and Canada. Through funny photos and videos, People of Walmart is an entertainment blog in the Three Ring Blogs network that features over 30 of the funniest humor blogs on the internet. Walmart is the largest retail store in the United States and has millions of people visit stores each day wearing anything but proper attire. Hello Flippa.

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