Stories

02.27.

Car Problems

Ten years ago, Christmas time, my daughter & were leaving Walmart. I was standing just off the curb, behind a car, waiting to cross to the parking lot. Suddenly, I felt something against my leg, looked to see a car! A woman was backing her car into me. I yelled, but the car pressed until my leg started to give. I slammed my hand down on the trunk. Instant brake lights. A woman gets out of the car in all her Walmart glory– femme mullet, cigarette dangling from her lip, and yes, A TANK TOP IN DECEMBER!!!! The woman looked like she’d won Dive Bar Hag of the Decade.

She yells at me, “Why the fuck’d you hit my car?”

“Because you were backing into me!”

“Maybe you should watch where the fuck you’re goin’!”

I explained to her, louder and louder, that I was just standing there, but she didn’t buy it. Probably too busy thinking about the Travis Tritt CD she was missing in the Redneckmobile.

Finally, she said, “If you don’t wanna get hit you shouldn’t stand there, asshole.”

I snapped the rest of the way. I dropped my bags, took a step toward her and yelled, “I will whip your ass. Fuck you, you fat bitch!”

She got wide eyed, jumped back in the car and sped off. Insult to injury, everyone in the parking lot looked at me like I’d just been murdering fuzzy puppies.

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02.27.

Get Up, Stand Up

I was standing in line at the express lane behind this grotesquely huge woman in one of those motorized chairs courtesy of Walmart. Thinking nothing of it, because I assumed she was handicapped, I minded my own business and continued to be mesmerized by that retarded smiley face sticker on the back of her chair.

She had a couple of items one of which was a pedometer…..you know, the small band that you strap on your ankle to count your steps? I had a fleeting thought that it might be for her and then quickly shrugged it off because I “knew” she was handicapped. She leaves with much difficulty trying to navigate through the aisle in the motorized chair….now my turn. As I am walking out the door I notice an obstruction in the middle of the ONLY working door out of Walmart…….this fat B@#CH gets out of the chair, yells at her husband to get her the pedometer out of the bag (all the while holding up traffic out of the store) and proceeds to take her sweet time strapping this useless tool to her ankle. Once strapped in, she starts walking out of the store without any kind of limp, drag, or otherwise. I was so furious, I let out an “Are you serious??”. She promptly gave me the finger and replied with, “The nerve of some people.” My final reply was, “EXACTLY what I was thinking, lady!”

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People of Walmart - Funny Photos Of Walmart Shoppers - Humor Blog

People of Walmart is a humor blog that depicts the many customers of Walmart stores across the United States and Canada. Through funny photos and videos, People of Walmart is an entertainment blog in the Three Ring Blogs network that features over 30 of the funniest humor blogs on the internet. Walmart is the largest retail store in the United States and has millions of people visit stores each day wearing anything but proper attire. Hello Flippa.

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