So after my high school graduation ceremony, my mom, grandmother, aunt and I made a trip to the local Wal Mart to get some supplies for my graduation party. We’re all still dressed up from the ceremony, me in a cute but modest dress, trying to get out of there as quickly as possible because frankly, the place is scary as hell.
Somehow I get left guarding the cart in a makeup aisle while my group dispersed for a few minutes. I’m waiting patiently, watching all the “lovely” people go by, when an old man passes the end of the aisle. No big deal, right? Then he comes back, and walks up to my cart.
“Excuse me, I’m looking for my wife.”
“OK.” I’m assuming he’s old and senile, but what can I do? I don’t know what his wife looks like.
“Would you like to be my wife tonight?”
WTF? Still thinking he’s old and crazy, I try to be polite with “Um, I have a boyfriend, I don’t think he would like that.”
“He can be with my wife then, and you can be my wife for tonight.”
At this point my mom comes back, and I give her the “OMG” eyes. She says “It’s time to go.”
He looks at her, looks at me, and says, “See how jealous she is of you?”
Mom says, “OK, it’s reaaaaally time to go.”
Directly to my mother: “But she wants to make love to me.”
We booked it out of there so fast, the shock didn’t even set in. And when we told the story to my aunt and grandma, we had to keep grandma from going back in and beating the crap out of the old man. I will never, ever forget that day, or go to Walmart alone.
My Brother called me the other day to inform me that he punched a guy in the nose in the parking lot of his local Walmart. Of course I asked how this happened and he relayed to me that he and his wife were walking to his car after buying groceries and noticed a man with his arm in the back window. Incidentally, the back window is made of plexiglass due to a previous break-in. My brother asked him “What’s Up?” and the dude told him to “Go Away”. So my brother, without another word, stepped up to the dude and hit him square in the face. The would-be thief staggered back and then ran away with blood running down his face. I asked him if he called the cops and he said no. But then he told me that the guy was really stupid because if he had tried the door handle he would have found the car unlocked…..Seriously?!?!?!
He brought the beats, I brought the flattened cardboard box. He left with my thick gold rope chain, I left without my pride….but that’s the life of a breakdancer.
This lovely story is coming from Latrobe, Pa. So it was normal day in the summer and I had to stop at wally-world to pick up some quick items. My whole experience IN the store lasted oh 15 minutes or so. I come back out to my car and I’m one of those people who park at somewhat of I distance cause hey, I don’t trust the driving skills of the frequent flyers of walmart. Parked at a diagonal in front of me is a large older dodge truck, and I notice the driver still in it. I get closer to my car and as I’m putting the code in I notice something vigorously moving in this trucks side mirror. I’m thinking to myself what the hell could that be? Once again its summer so his window is down and its broad daylight. So I get into my car still staring at this guy because now I’m curious because I see this constant movement. After blinking a few times and clearing my vision I can now see that the moving thing is his penis and he’s jacking off. Apparently he pushed his crotch up for anyone to get a glimpse…. I laughed for probably 15 minutes and then called everyone I knew who would appreciate it.