Top Rated
August 5th, 2010
#4033 Workin’ Up The Ladder
Picture it: Tupelo, Mississippi, 1982. I was a teenager working as a stockman at the local Wal-Mart. It was my job to unload trucks, stock the store, fix whatever was broken (lights, shelving, etc.), and to clean up spills. One day in the skin care aisle, this kid of about five years dropped trou and proceeded to take a dump on the floor while his mother looked on. I was called to the scene of the accident, by which time someone had knocked over a bottle of shampoo, which had rolled through the doo. It was a nightmare. I reluctantly cleaned it up while a manager watched, then told the manager that I would no longer be working as a stockman for Wal-Mart. He didn’t fire me, but promoted me to Electronics. If I had been the manager of that Wal-Mart, however, they would surely have fired me for making that redneck skank mom clean up her son’s dooky with her bare hands. Oh, well.
January 24th, 2011
#4034 Camping Trip
While I was growing up, my mother and father operated a dog kennel. Not long after I got my driver’s license, I was asked to help with the “kennel errands”. One such errand was for me to go to Wal-Mart and pick up a large quantity of canned dog food. Just as every 16 year old girl…I was absolutely ecstatic to be doing this chore! Please note the sarcasm… So, if this ordeal wasn’t bad enough, I then had to get into the checkout line with about 10 cases of dog food. While in line I had the nicest man, with no teeth and no shoes eyeing up my filled cart. I tried to ignore him, but he tapped me on the shoulder and started talking. He asks, “Whatcha doin’ with all that DAWG Food??” Before I could answer he comes back with…”Are ya goin’ CAMPING???” Apparently I had the perfect supplies for a kick ass camping trip! I mean, everybody eats dog food in the woods, right? So I answered “Yes, I am! How did you know?” The dude was sooo excited that he wanted to help me load my car! I politely declined and headed for the hills…with all my DAWG FOOD!
January 25th, 2011
#4035 Poppin’ Pimples
It was opening weekend at the new WalMart in our town, and the wife and I stopped by to check out the sights.
While walking down the bread aisle, we notice a less than classy looking couple ahead of us. It appeared that the guy was rubbing his fair maiden’s back or neck. However, as we closed in and made the pass, we realized that he was actually inspecting her upper back and popping her back zits while she perused the selection of hot dog buns. To this day we cringe when we know we have to go down that aisle for anything.
