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03.04.

Cookie Monster

At the moment, I am working at a Subway inside of a Walmart.

I had a customer come in one day and everything started out smoothly. This lady had been coming in for quite some time, so I kind of recognized her. She’s your typical Walmart customer. Overweight, looking like trailer trash and riding (as we call them in our store) a fat cart. She orders a footlong tuna sandwich and wants us to put all the veggies on it. So, like I said, everything was going smooth until after the veggies were placed on the sandwich. That’s when she said to me, “This may be a strange request.” At this point, I’m thinking that I’ve heard many a people say that, and it’s never really that strange. So, I ask her what she wants and she proceeded to ask me to put 4 white macadamia nut cookies on her tuna sandwich. I think I gave her a really disgusted look, but I’m not sure. I obliged and placed the cookies on her sandwich, but she wasn’t done yet. She then asked me to cover the cookies with vinegar until they were soggy and ready to fall apart. Then to top it off, she made me double up on the mayo over the soggy cookies. At this point, I felt like I wanted to puke all over her sandwich. I think I may have a little into the back of my throat.

This lady is now a regular customer and she gets this same thing every single day.

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03.04.

Time For A Snack

I got into the checkout line behind a large mother with her 4 or 5 year old standing up in the cart. I had my headphones on and my iPod blaring but I could still hear the kid screaming that he ‘wants it’ and he is ‘hungry’. He was pulling at her shirt, kicking the stuff in the cart, hitting her chest, and screaming like an animal. I assumed he wanted a candy bar or something and I couldn’t help staring at his crazy behavior. Suddenly mom hit the point where she decided she’d had enough. She yelled, “FINE” and lifted her t-shirt up over his head so he could breastfeed. He reached up with both hands under her shirt and latched on. This was the single most horrifying moment of my life.

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03.03.

Heard It Through The Grape Vine

I work at WalMart (hey, it’s a job). There’s the share of extremely nice customers, mixed with the few that we wish we had the balls to snap a photo for this site (on a daily basis).

I had a woman come and ask for help on a kiosk (in the photo center). She was in her late 40’s and me being nice obliged her. She rattled on and on about how helpful I was, how adorable I was, how sweet I was, and it made me a little bit uncomfortable. I tried several times to slowly just make it back to the counter, but she’d ask me a new question, peppered with “Sweetie” and “Baby”.

I noticed after that, that our market team had arrived and had started watching from the next isle over. So wanting to make a good impression, I stayed with the woman and helped her with everything.

She was showing me photos of her “Romantic” vacation, and suddenly asked “have you ever been hand fed grapes?” I replied “no”. She replied to that with “oh you should try it, it’s very romantic”

When she returned to pick up her photos, she had a bag of grapes in the cart, plucked one out and said “Take it” So I held out my hand and she said “No silly, I’m going to feed you the grape.”

I was VERY uncomfortable at this point, and noticed the market team and managers now in a better viewing position snickering and nodding their head ‘yes’.

So I ate the grape. From her hand. And she left.

Really nice woman, though.

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03.03.

Brotherly Love

Well brothers tend to do embarrassing things to each other on a regular basis, I remember several occasions of flooring, wedgies, ghost pushes and whatnot occurring at the Mart, mostly happening to my younger brother much to his lament. Little did I know he had diabolical revenge planned. It started with slipping me some crushed up ex-lax type pills in my sandwich before the weekly Walmart trip, I had no idea anything was amiss till we were cruzin the electronics section and I felt the hand of nature reach out and grip my bowels with tremendous force. He must have seen the look on my face as a started booking to the bathroom cause he followed to enjoy the product of his treachery. I didn’t make it all the way, maybe 3/4 of the way before there was a presence in my shorts, which sped up my run and increased the area affected. Once in the restroom I raced to a stall thankfully they were all empty. Moments later Ii hear the door open and my brothers maniacal laughter rang through the small room as my guts poured out. Needless to say I began to swear my own revenge and call him every name I could think of. A few minutes passed and i was feeling sightly better, enough to begin to think about cleaning myself up – which i would need help with. I began to yell at him to bring me a warm wet paper towel with soap and a second one without soap and a third dry. No response. I began to get really upset. I demanded finally “Get me the fucking towels now or you fucking die no joke your throat will be in my hands, I have nothing to lose I’m covered in shit and I’ll come out of this stall and kick your ass with my pants down!” Moments later the towels I requested appeared under the stall. A few moments more and I emerged from the stall to see a somewhat shaken middle aged man washing his hands, he saw me and immediately looked away mumbling an apology about my misfortune. My brother had never been in the bathroom, I had heard his laughing through the cold air return……

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People of Walmart - Funny Photos Of Walmart Shoppers - Humor Blog

People of Walmart is a humor blog that depicts the many customers of Walmart stores across the United States and Canada. Through funny photos and videos, People of Walmart is an entertainment blog in the Three Ring Blogs network that features over 30 of the funniest humor blogs on the internet. Walmart is the largest retail store in the United States and has millions of people visit stores each day wearing anything but proper attire. Hello Flippa.

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