Short Shorts/No Shorts/Underwear
At what point does a person just say “F*ck it, I don’t need to put on shoes or pants”? Most people in the world would put pants on to walk into another room of the house, or if not that, then they would put some on if they are going to the street to get their mail. You made it to Walmart.
I’ve heard of junk in the trunk, but I wish you would pack it into an SUV instead of a Geo Metro.
Your first move should be checking that backpack for a pair of underwear. If there are none in there, well you’re at a store that sells underwear. Problem solved. I would move on to pants but I don’t want to get too far ahead for you, and it seems like if there is more than one thing going on you get confused and lose concentration.
I don’t even think Paul Bunyan and his big blue ox could remove those jorts from those tree trunks!