So closing in on the home stretch to Christmas, my boys and I popped into the local Mulletmart, errr Walmart to pick up a couple of quick items for a meal. While standing in the express checkout line in which I was about the 3rd person in line, I notice this man in the front of the line chatting it up with the cashier. He pays for his groceries, then turns to the lady behind in and in front of me, and tells her “Here ma’am, let me pay for your groceries. Merry Christmas” and proceeds to give her $20. Nice gesture but I was wishing he had more for me but no such luck. Oh well.
Meanwhile while waiting for the lady to get her items rang up and for her to pay, I noticed the line had grown quite long behind me. All of a sudden in the very same line I had just watched a nice gesture at Christmas time, a lady screams out, “Get the fuck away from me or I’ll call the cops.” I turned around to notice some Malibu’s Most Wanted wanna be gangsta white guy slowly walking away from said lady looking like he just got punked hard in front of everyone. I turned around and just started laughing out loud. Where else could I watch a nice gesture by someone and in the same line a minute later watch a near beat down.
So I had just gone to the clothing department since I had gotten paid and I wanted to see if I could find something like a nice vest to wear over one of my long sleeved shirts. I’m guessing the vest I picked out had just been put out and might have been marked wrong at the time. I take it to the 1 item line since it’s the only item I am buying. This redneck man and his skanky girlfriend show up behind me carrying just chips and soda. Two items you can buy from any gas station at this time of night. Well I place the vest on the check out counter and the lady says to me “Did you find everything you were looking for today?” I answered politely and then she scans the item but the scan tells her error. She tries to rescan it once more. It still says error. She enters the item number on the tag which still brings up error on her check out computer. As she’s trying to think up other ways the item might scan in Mr. Redneck is getting anxious now. The girl at the check out stand asks me a quick question and then suddenly Mr. Redneck bursts. “FUCKING RETARD CAN’T OPERATE THE GOD DAMN REGISTER!!” at which point he places chips and soda on the counter and leaves pulling skanky gf along behind him. I turned to the girl and said “It’s not your fault. Some people just have no patience and besides I’m in no hurry.” She finally figures out a way to scan the item. And when she says “Have a nice evening.” I smile and say “Thank You Miss.”
Last week my mom, who absolutely hates Walmart, was forced to stop there to pick something up real quick. We found what we needed and proceeded to the check out and decided to go for the 15 items or less line because it was the shortest of the long lines. Two people ahead of us was this dirty woman who was wearing no shoes and had about 10 little kiddies running around the store with a cart that was overflowing with stuff. My mom, being the upstanding citizen that she is, decides to confront the woman saying, “You do realize that this is the 15 items or less aisle right?” To which the other woman responded, “FUCK YOU BITCH!” My mother was absolutely taken back, but what was even more shocking was when the woman’s five-year-old son addressed his mother as a “Stupid cunt”.
Just when you think you’ve seen it all you find yourself coming around the corner in the hygiene section to find two over 70 year olds arguing over which lube will be the best. I mean kudos for them for having a sex life but for God’s sake do you have to have an argument at levels which a deaf man could hear about it?
Then as if that isn’t enough, I was in the check out line, when said old couple come into the line behind me. I was about the third person in line when they came into the line behind me. In 5 minutes they were arguing about whether they should have gotten ribbed, nubbed or vibrating condoms. Watching the mother in the line ahead of me try to occupy her kids from the conversation behind me, it occured to me what the hell did they need condoms for at 70 and could they shut up?
I turned around and said “Honestly, do you have to argue about this here so loudly? And why at 70 should you even be concerned with condoms?” I realised after the last thing I said I didn’t want to know.
Before I could turn around eliminating a response the woman said “We have lovers and they are both in their 30’s. We like a little fun in our marriage.” Yeah, I threw up in my mouth a little….