While shopping at Wal-Mart during the worst shopping day of the year (Black Friday) almost 2 years ago, my wife and I were walking to the electronics to see if they had a few of the Xbox 360 games and SD memory cards that were on sale left to sell. I had decided to try and swim through the sea of Wal-Creatures (too many to count, I thought I was in a circus!) while leaving my wife in an area with less people (since we had our son with us and he was only 5 months old and we were unable to get a baby-sitter)when I finally get stuck and have to wait until some people clear out of the way.
This is when I notice that there is an old lady, probably in her late 70’s or early 80’s, wearing a rediculously large fur coat. Not entirely surprising, except for the fact that she had nothing in her cart. Not even a sale’s ad. Intrigued, I watch for a moment as she then begins to look around as though she was doing something suspicious, and I was rewarded a few moments later with a startling show.
She slowly pushed her cart out of the way and squeezed herself through the people until she reached a rather large woman’s cart full of clothes, toys, games, and a 32″ tv and start to walk off with it while the fat lady was arguing with a clerk about the price of some video game. I stood in utter amazement as the tiny, fur wearing gremlin made it probably 30 feet before the large ogre of a women realized that her cart was missing and thundered after the old lady! I watched the exchange of curses as the old lady said that it was HER cart to begin with and the fat lady was calling her “an old senile bitch”.
How the whole thing stopped, you wonder? The fat lady pulled out the largest pair of skivvies I had ever seen and said quite loudly “If this is your cart then why the f*@$ would you be buying these?!”
The old lady didn’t skip a beat with her response, said straight faced “They’re for my nephew who’s a drag queen.”
After hearing that, I busted out laughing and headed back to my wife.
A couple years ago, while I worked for the Walmart Photo Lab, I received a multitude of highly inappropriate and, often, hilarious pictures. However, one photo will forever be burned into my retinas.
You know those toys for infants, the plastic rings that you stack around a plastic stick according to size? Yeah, those are great fun. However, replacing the plastic stick with an obscenely filthy penis and the plastic rings with glazed doughnuts? That……yeah… To say it was horrifying is somewhere beyond an understatement.
As my husband, our good friends and I were leaving Walmart one night my husband spots what he thinks is a wad of dollar bills on the ground. He picks it up only to discover it is $1 wrapped around a piece of poo.
Freaked out he drops the money and we look around for the hidden cameras and hand sanitizer. That had to have been a prank. Who would wrap a piece of poo with money and leave it outside of a Walmart?
As we look around for the hidden camera we spot a typical Walmart customer bend over, pick up the poo encrusted dollar, shake off the bill, wipe it on her sweat pants and stick it in her pocket.
The other day I was walking into Walmart to make a quick return. As I walked through the door, I notice the typical female Walcreature (badly permed mullet, NASCAR t-shirt that was ever so cleverly turned into a dingy, bra-showing NASCAR tank top) standing by a Redbox. This lady looked about 12 kinds of pissed off. I headed on down to customer service and I’m there for a total of about 15 minutes. I start to round the corner to the exit and there is crazy NASCAR lady still standing by the Redbox. A Walmart employee came over and asked crazy-pants “Can I help you?”
Crazy swung around and said “Yeah, you can tell me why this thing won’t take my f***in’ dollar! It’s a brand new one too and I’ve tried stickin’ in it every hole in the G.D. machine!”
The employee and I both had to take a 3-5 second, OMG is this bitch serious, brain stun. So crazy said, “Well? Whichin’ is it? Whichin’ is the dollar hole?” I busted out laughing but I did try to get out the door as quickly as I possibly could. As I was leaving, I heard the employee tell her it only takes credit & debit cards. Crazy lady got all indignant and started ranting & raving about it’s probably owned but them “terrist” anyway and if they think they are too good for her hard earned American dollars, they could all go f*** themselves. There was a crowd by then and everyone busted out laughing.