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03.11.

You’re Next!

Well… I have always heard of the horrendous 3rd party-parenting that goes on in Texas. Even though I’ve lived here for 25 years, it took me 6 years after having a child, to discover it firsthand.. And man, some people are a little too bold.. I decided to take my 4 and 6-year old with me to Walmart one day, to pick up a few drinks and chips that I couldn’t seem to find at any other store in town. We had already been to a few other stores where my wife and I usually do our shopping. So, as you can imagine, their short attention spans were running on empty. That and my wife and I were a little agitated from dealing with the atypical Dallas hussle and bussle. Anyways.. I’m a man, so after 4 hours of shopping, my mind and temperment was sketchy at best. But on this day I was borderlining lucidity.. It just so happens, that my 6-year old, decides that he wants to get a little testy, after passing the toy aisle. So, after putting him in check with a stern warning for his partial temper-tantrum, he settles down. Now for those of you who have more than one child, you’re all too familiar with the common fact that trouble usually comes in pairs. Especially when one, is 2 years older than the other and knows how to manipulate. So without fail, our 4 year old, tries her hand, when I split from all 3 of them to grab the drinks. My 4 year old starts throwing one hell of a fit, that I hear 4 aisles down. Matter of fact I dropped the drinks, as it scared the shit out of me.. Now when it comes to my 4 year old, she’s a little more complicated, as she can sense my anxiety with spanking her in public and tends to capitalize on the father-daughter relationship. Or as my wife calls it, “Sucker-Syndrome”. Never had a problem with disciplinig my son, as it always was 2nd nature for me and him and I have an mutual agreement, the paddle. But being as she’s rather petite like my wife, disciplining her, always was a bit akward for me. That and the fact that my hand dwarves her little behind.. (For me, It’s like trying to spank a Grapefruit.) And of course, she knows this and worked that angle. I felt a little bad, as all parental senses were tingling and screaming “Ass-whooping”. But I carefully took a moment to assess my options.. It was in this moment I realized, that it was apparent that my wife and daughter had some telepathic connection, as I could sense the rapidly-narrowing proximity of my wife, by the “Oh Sh*t” look on my daughter’s face. Inevitably it seems my wife had enough and decided to deliver a swift punishment. So commenced the spanking on aisle 3.. Now, it wasn’t but maybe 3 licks into it, that a woman and her boyfriend, both in their early 20’s, stopped to gander upon my child’s disposition. Now, for a brief moment, even they had the common sense not too interrupt my wife as she exercised her parental right. Matter of fact.. With the exception of her counting joyously and the slight uncanny resemblance to a jilted dominatrix and the count from Sesame Street I was quite proud of her. But all things considered I wasn’t prepared for what was blurted out of this woman’s mouth.. As my wife sat my daughter back in the basket and reprimanded her for the way she had acted, this woman decides to interject and voice her opinion on how my wife should have handled the situation. She turns to my wife and says, “What is wrong with you!?” My wife befuddled with the question replies, “Excuse me?” “You can’t do that!” The woman said, “That’s public humiliation.” I turned and looked at my wife and for a brief moment I could actually see the gears in my wife’s head stop. And what sounded like a monster truck roaring out of control, emerged. My wife then replied by informing the woman, “If she had wanted her opinion, she would have asked for it.” The woman then replied, “Well, you shouldn’t be spanking your child like that in public.” Now at this point I began to get a little agitated. I was still a bit befuddled at this girl’s audacity but if it hadn’t have been for her boyfriend laughing about it.. Well needless to say I lost my anger and informed both the woman and her boyfriend, where they could kindly, “shove their opinion”. I then turned to the woman and told her, “I really don’t give a sh*t what you think, as it’s apparent that you could have used some discipline yourself. So kindly take yourself and your giggling girlfriend there and move along, before I do what your daddy should have done!”. I’ve never seen someone’s jaw drop that far. And I would have kept a straight-face, if it hadn’t have been for my son who conveniently chimed in, “Daddy, you want my belt?” Score one for parental-rights, including discipline.

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03.11.

Forgetful Mother

This happened several years ago, when I was a senior in high school. As a teenager living in a small town, there wasn’t anywhere open at 2 in the morning besides Wal Mart. Well me and my friend walked over to pick up some snacks after a party. When we were walking through the parking lot, a crappy old beater car pulls up in the handicap spot a few spots down. This lady gets out, the car still running, goes around to the passenger side door, opens it up and gets out her baby (no car seat!), and proceeds inside (car still running). This child could not have possibly been older than 18months. We just made some joke about her being a tweeker and went on in since it was pretty cold out. We picked up some food, and were heading for the checkout. That’s when we saw tweeker lady again, shopping for clothes (at 2a.m.) repeatedly telling her crying child to “shut up”. Well we had nothing better to do, so we decided to browse around the magazines to spy on her and see what other crazy things this lady would be doing. She looked at clothes with a crying baby for another 30 minutes, before suddenly hurrying up to the register and only buying a pack of cigarettes. We hurried up and paid for our food and saw she had parked the cart with her baby right outside the door as she smoked a cigarette. We sat on a curb in the parking lot and ate a candy bar, and watched for a minute as she smoked 2 cigarettes, then walked over to her still running car and drove off, no baby. She had left her poor child in the cart outside in the cold. We ran in, told an employee a lady had left her baby in the cart outside, and got the hell out of there (we weren’t about to leave that baby in the cold, but we also didn’t want a minor consumption or curfew violation either). Just as we got to the stoplight to cross the street, the cops roll up, and right after the cops, returns the tweeker. We didn’t stay to watch for fear of getting in trouble, we just hoped the mom would be put in jail, and the baby would be put in a loving home.

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03.11.

Happy Birthday Sprinkles!

On March 3, 2010, we were at Walmart ordering my daughter’s 18th birthday cake. The clerk took all the information. We decided that we wanted a gender neutral cake with no flowers or girly decorations, because my daughter wanted to share the cake with her friend since his birthday was 2 days after hers. While the clerk was verifying the details, the cake decorator came over and looked at the request. She said. ” Is this all you want on the cake?” I said, “Yes, just Happy 18th Birthday Taylor and Zach.” Then the decorator asked if we wanted sprinkles on the cake. My daughter said yes, because she didnt think that would be too girly. So the clerk wrote it on the order. On March 5th, I sent my husband to pick up the cake. He got it and was heading to the check out when he looked at the cake better and it read..”HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TAYLOR, ZACH AND SPRINKLES” He wondered who sprinkles was and if we had gotten a cat!!!! He returned to the cake counter and told them that the cake was wrong and they the attempted to remove “Sprinkles”, it left a big place in the icing that was very noticeable. The decorator then asked my husband if we wanted sprinkles on the cake to cover the place that they tried to fix. He told her that was what we wanted in the first place.

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03.10.

Where’s The Beef?

I was in the customer service line at a local Walmart. A very loud, saggy-skinned lady was at the counter attempting to talk the clerk into returning something. It turns out it was a big chunk of meat… no wrapper, no receipt, just a piece of meat in a non-Walmart grocery bag. She got tired of yelling at the clerk who denied her return and asked for the manager. A manager came over and he too said she couldn’t return the meat. She didn’t like this. So, she poked at his name tag and said “I asked for the MANAGER, you are an ASSISTANT Manager!” He said that he was a manager and that she was not going to return the meat. She made some comment about how he was so effeminate that she couldn’t tell whether he was male or female. Then came the best part… she swings the bag of meat and smacks the manager in the head with it! At that point an undercover security guard who was watching the whole ordeal rushed up to control her. She fell into the rug doctor display and proceeded to yell profanities and complain of arthritis and osteoporosis. She then whipped out her cell phone and called the police which were apparently on her speed dial. I’m guessing this wasn’t her first run around with the local law enforcement.

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People of Walmart - Funny Photos Of Walmart Shoppers - Humor Blog

People of Walmart is a humor blog that depicts the many customers of Walmart stores across the United States and Canada. Through funny photos and videos, People of Walmart is an entertainment blog in the Three Ring Blogs network that features over 30 of the funniest humor blogs on the internet. Walmart is the largest retail store in the United States and has millions of people visit stores each day wearing anything but proper attire. Hello Flippa.

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