Just when you think you’ve seen it all you find yourself coming around the corner in the hygiene section to find two over 70 year olds arguing over which lube will be the best. I mean kudos for them for having a sex life but for God’s sake do you have to have an argument at levels which a deaf man could hear about it?
Then as if that isn’t enough, I was in the check out line, when said old couple come into the line behind me. I was about the third person in line when they came into the line behind me. In 5 minutes they were arguing about whether they should have gotten ribbed, nubbed or vibrating condoms. Watching the mother in the line ahead of me try to occupy her kids from the conversation behind me, it occured to me what the hell did they need condoms for at 70 and could they shut up?
I turned around and said “Honestly, do you have to argue about this here so loudly? And why at 70 should you even be concerned with condoms?” I realised after the last thing I said I didn’t want to know.
Before I could turn around eliminating a response the woman said “We have lovers and they are both in their 30’s. We like a little fun in our marriage.” Yeah, I threw up in my mouth a little….
I live in Honolulu where it is no secret we have a little bit of a meth problem. I was at Walmart buying shampoo when a woman wearing black leggings and an over sized t-shirt that said “Boss” inside a giant letter “E” approached me and explained to me how she was infertile. She then continued to ask me if I might be interested in donating some of my eggs to her because her and her husband. “I Really want to have blonde babies.” I apologized and said I wasn’t a natural blonde as I backed away.
Ok so I was with a couple of my friends and we were in the bathroom. We’re talking between the stalls like girls do, and we hear this voice. “Girls, can you help me?” I came out of the stall and while washing my hands, asked what the problem was. The lady in the end stall says, “I need help. I went to the bathroom and now I need help. Can you give me some paper towels with warm water and soap?” As I’m getting the paper towels for her, I hear the stall door open. Yep. There she stands, pants around her ankles, shirt up over the boobs. My friends and I were in shock!! I tried to hand her the paper towels so I could get the heck out of there and she says, “No, I need YOU to wipe it.”. Now, I was a pre-med student at the time, so I was trying to be level headed and calm. I explained to the lady that I could not do that for her; that it was unsafe for her AND for me. She didn’t get it. She simply said that she couldn’t reach and needed help. She was a bigger woman, in case you haven’t guessed. By this time a clerk came in and the lady asked HER to do it. The clerk said that her job description did not include wiping asses. Then we tried to locate her family members, but she said they had dropped her off and were coming back to pick her up later. Once we convinced her that we were NOT going to wipe her ass, she just says, “Well can you check to see if I got it all?” She then proceeded to turn around to show us her ass. At this point, we were done and walked out without looking back. Unbelievable!
I worked at the Rincon, Georgia Wal-Mart in 1997. I wish I could have captured a photo of a man that came through my line one day. He was buying a new circular saw blade, and his hands were cut to shreds and BLEEDING! He paid in cash (yay for me!) and his money was covered in blood! If that wasnt bad enough, he kept wiping his hands on the belt of my register!