My husband works at a Walmart in Alabama, he came home from work yesterday laughing so hard it took him fifteen minutes to tell me the whole story. A few hours before he was supposed to be at work, around 7PM, a man somewhere in his 30s or 40s came into the store. He seemed like any normal shopper, he got assistance from a couple of the employees in trying to find what he was looking for. Apparently, they didn’t carry whatever it was he wanted. He walked to the front of the store as if he was about to leave but right as he got in front of all the cash registers, he turned around, dropped his pants, and began swinging his penis wildly in a circular motion with one hand, other arm in the air as if riding a bull. The police were called and the man was arrested, but not before scaring many people in the process. As far as I know, charges are going to be pressed against him.
Ten years ago, Christmas time, my daughter & were leaving Walmart. I was standing just off the curb, behind a car, waiting to cross to the parking lot. Suddenly, I felt something against my leg, looked to see a car! A woman was backing her car into me. I yelled, but the car pressed until my leg started to give. I slammed my hand down on the trunk. Instant brake lights. A woman gets out of the car in all her Walmart glory– femme mullet, cigarette dangling from her lip, and yes, A TANK TOP IN DECEMBER!!!! The woman looked like she’d won Dive Bar Hag of the Decade.
She yells at me, “Why the fuck’d you hit my car?”
“Because you were backing into me!”
“Maybe you should watch where the fuck you’re goin’!”
I explained to her, louder and louder, that I was just standing there, but she didn’t buy it. Probably too busy thinking about the Travis Tritt CD she was missing in the Redneckmobile.
Finally, she said, “If you don’t wanna get hit you shouldn’t stand there, asshole.”
I snapped the rest of the way. I dropped my bags, took a step toward her and yelled, “I will whip your ass. Fuck you, you fat bitch!”
She got wide eyed, jumped back in the car and sped off. Insult to injury, everyone in the parking lot looked at me like I’d just been murdering fuzzy puppies.
I was standing in line at the express lane behind this grotesquely huge woman in one of those motorized chairs courtesy of Walmart. Thinking nothing of it, because I assumed she was handicapped, I minded my own business and continued to be mesmerized by that retarded smiley face sticker on the back of her chair.
She had a couple of items one of which was a pedometer…..you know, the small band that you strap on your ankle to count your steps? I had a fleeting thought that it might be for her and then quickly shrugged it off because I “knew” she was handicapped. She leaves with much difficulty trying to navigate through the aisle in the motorized chair….now my turn. As I am walking out the door I notice an obstruction in the middle of the ONLY working door out of Walmart…….this fat [email protected]#CH gets out of the chair, yells at her husband to get her the pedometer out of the bag (all the while holding up traffic out of the store) and proceeds to take her sweet time strapping this useless tool to her ankle. Once strapped in, she starts walking out of the store without any kind of limp, drag, or otherwise. I was so furious, I let out an “Are you serious??”. She promptly gave me the finger and replied with, “The nerve of some people.” My final reply was, “EXACTLY what I was thinking, lady!”