Stories

03.06.

The Coupon Killer

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A Florida woman is in jail on charges she threatened Walmart workers with a gun after the store refused her internet dollar-off coupon.

Mary Frances Alday of Crawfordville, near Tallahassee, was arrested Friday and charged with four counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and one count of battery, for allegedly ramming an assistant manager with a shopping cart. She was also charged with resisting arrest and battery of an officer, according to the arrest report.

The Wakulla County Sheriff’s news release says Alday is 61 years old, but the arrest report states she was born in June 1961, which would make her 51.

Alday became “extremely upset” that the Crawfordville Walmart would not accept her coupon and continued to “verbally abuse” the assistant manager while being escorted out, the deputy’s report says. When the supervisor said she was going to take down Alday’s license plate number, Alday replied, “If you follow me, I have something in my car for you.”

She then emerged from her 2011 Ford Escape SUV with a holstered handgun that she began waving at four employees, who went back inside “due to being in fear for their lives,” the arrest reports says. She then backed out of the parking lot and fled.

A sheriff’s detective soon stopped Alday and was joined by a deputy, who asked Alday if she had a gun. “Yes, I have a concealed weapons permit, and you are not taking my gun,” the arrest report states.

Alday refused to get out of her vehicle, and the deputy twice stunned her with his Taser after she reached toward the passenger seat and continued to struggle. The deputies then pulled her from the SUV and handcuffed her.

The gun — a loaded Smith & Wesson .38 Airweight — was found in the center console.

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07.01.

Grand Theft Granny

While shopping at Wal-Mart during the worst shopping day of the year (Black Friday) almost 2 years ago, my wife and I were walking to the electronics to see if they had a few of the Xbox 360 games and SD memory cards that were on sale left to sell. I had decided to try and swim through the sea of Wal-Creatures (too many to count, I thought I was in a circus!) while leaving my wife in an area with less people (since we had our son with us and he was only 5 months old and we were unable to get a baby-sitter)when I finally get stuck and have to wait until some people clear out of the way.

This is when I notice that there is an old lady, probably in her late 70’s or early 80’s, wearing a rediculously large fur coat. Not entirely surprising, except for the fact that she had nothing in her cart. Not even a sale’s ad. Intrigued, I watch for a moment as she then begins to look around as though she was doing something suspicious, and I was rewarded a few moments later with a startling show.

She slowly pushed her cart out of the way and squeezed herself through the people until she reached a rather large woman’s cart full of clothes, toys, games, and a 32″ tv and start to walk off with it while the fat lady was arguing with a clerk about the price of some video game. I stood in utter amazement as the tiny, fur wearing gremlin made it probably 30 feet before the large ogre of a women realized that her cart was missing and thundered after the old lady! I watched the exchange of curses as the old lady said that it was HER cart to begin with and the fat lady was calling her “an old senile bitch”.

How the whole thing stopped, you wonder? The fat lady pulled out the largest pair of skivvies I had ever seen and said quite loudly “If this is your cart then why the f*@$ would you be buying these?!”
The old lady didn’t skip a beat with her response, said straight faced “They’re for my nephew who’s a drag queen.”

After hearing that, I busted out laughing and headed back to my wife.

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03.24.

Money In The Bank

As my husband, our good friends and I were leaving Walmart one night my husband spots what he thinks is a wad of dollar bills on the ground. He picks it up only to discover it is $1 wrapped around a piece of poo.

Freaked out he drops the money and we look around for the hidden cameras and hand sanitizer. That had to have been a prank. Who would wrap a piece of poo with money and leave it outside of a Walmart?

As we look around for the hidden camera we spot a typical Walmart customer bend over, pick up the poo encrusted dollar, shake off the bill, wipe it on her sweat pants and stick it in her pocket.

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03.28.

You Guys Want Some Cookies?

I pulled into the local Wal-Mart over the weekend and saw something that I had to pass on. The Girl Scouts were out front selling cookies, approaching customers as they exited the store.

Two little girls, about 8 years old go bouncing up to this old woman in one of those electric scooter/shopping cart things. “Hi, we are with—-”

They are interrupted by the old woman shouting: “You two can go fuck yourselves!” The little girls and the parents were stunned into silence. The cranky old woman rolled off towards her car, not saying anything else.

I was sort of horrified but still choking back laughter as I strolled into the store.

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People of Walmart is a humor blog that depicts the many customers of Walmart stores across the United States and Canada. Through funny photos and videos, People of Walmart is an entertainment blog in the Three Ring Blogs network that features over 30 of the funniest humor blogs on the internet. Walmart is the largest retail store in the United States and has millions of people visit stores each day wearing anything but proper attire.

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