Stories

02.08.

If I Can’t Have ‘Em, Then Nobody Can

I used to be a customer service manager at Walmart. There were a lot of people that would come in and use the electric carts and try to take off without paying for their stuff. Well there was one woman who took it to the next level by sitting on the stuff she was trying to steal. She was a large woman. When she went through the doors and the alarm went off, the door greeter stopped her and asked her to get up. She proceded to urinate on the items she had stashed under her butt.

She was arrested.

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01.31.

Pitfalls In Parenting

My friend and I were walking into a Walmart not long ago when we noticed what seemed to be a little girl, 3 years old or so, digging in the back of her pants. As we got closer we realized that she was not digging in her pants, she was trying to pull them up as her speed walking mother pulled her along by her other arm. I felt bad for the toddler whos bottom was now exposed to the world, so I rushed to catch up to Momma Speed Walker and as I closed in the mother turned to yell at her child for going too slow. She looked at the little girl in disgust and loudly demanded for her to pull up her pants, as if it were the child’s fault that her mother put her in pants that were two sizes too small and wouldn’t stay up.

After giving her a look that singed her soul I made sure to comment about her parenting.

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05.05.

Edward 40-Hands

I decided to go into my local Wal-Mart last night to grab a few items around 11:30. Surprisingly, I only saw one powermullet, and was quite sad that I didn’t catch any humorous displays as I usually do, until I got to the checkout line. Of course, only two lanes were open, but I got lucky and ended up behind two people. The first person had a buggy full, but the second guy had three 40 ounce beers. In my town, it is against the law to sell an alcoholic beverage after midnight, so when the guy finally got to the counter, he was quite dismayed to hear that he couldn’t purchase his beers because it was now 12:02.

“BUT I’VE BEEN WAITING IN LINE FOR 10 MINUTES!” he yelled at the obviously grumpy young “lady” at the register. Another customer piped in and told him just to drive over the bridge that separates our town from our “sister” city which does sell after midnight. This just made the hostile drunk even more hostile. “NO, I want my beer, NOW!”┬áHe finally accepted the fact that the register would not allow the girl to even ring the beer up and stumbled/stomped towards the doors.

I ended up, as unlucky and unbelievable as it sounds, being parked right next to this drunk. By the time I got to my car, a good 5 minutes after he walked out, he was trying frantically to unlock his car. He couldn’t get the key into the hole for the life of him. Finally, though, he succeded and almost belly flopped into the driver’s seat. I watched in horror (and slight amusement) as he, I assume, attempted to put his car in reverse, but instead put it in drive, and went through the bars of the shopping cart return and snowplowed about 20 carts. I’d never seen a shopping cart fly until last night.

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34 Comments Stories
05.19.

Just Beat It

I worked for Wal-Mart a few years ago as a Loss Prevention associate. For those of you who don’t know what that is, basically I was a plain clothed security guard at the store. My primary job was to catch shoplifters but I also caught employees stealing too. At our store we had a place where all of the shelves, pegs, hooks and other items that make up an aisle are stored. This was called the fixture room. I started to notice discarded wrappers and open packages in the fixture room. This made me suspicious that an associate was stealing and getting rid of the evidence in there. So I decided to hang a small camera to try and catch them. A few days later I was reviewing the footage when I recognized an employee, a 3rd shift stock man, walking into the fixture room. He looks around for a minute and then proceeds to pull his penis out and began masturbating wildly. He continues to play with himself for a minute or two and then discharges all over some shelves that were stacked in the floor. I immediately showed the recording to the store manager who looked very upset. Feeling like my job had been done, I decided to let the store manager handle this since it was not really an issue of theft. A few days later I came in early one morning to see that same guy clocking out and going home like nothing was wrong in the world. When I asked the store manager why he had not fired him, he told me how the stock guy explained that he had come to work after he had been drinking a while and was still pretty buzzed. He did not remember doing it and was sorry that it happened. He came in on his own time to clean every shelf and promised not to do it again. The store manager also added that he was the best employee that he had on 3rd shift and that it would be hard to replace him. Since no one was hurt and nothing was stolen or damaged. He figured no harm no foul.

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Three Ring Focus

People of Walmart - Funny Photos Of Walmart Shoppers - Humor Blog

People of Walmart is a humor blog that depicts the many customers of Walmart stores across the United States and Canada. Through funny photos and videos, People of Walmart is an entertainment blog in the Three Ring Blogs network that features over 30 of the funniest humor blogs on the internet. Walmart is the largest retail store in the United States and has millions of people visit stores each day wearing anything but proper attire.

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