Stories

03.06.

The Coupon Killer

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A Florida woman is in jail on charges she threatened Walmart workers with a gun after the store refused her internet dollar-off coupon.

Mary Frances Alday of Crawfordville, near Tallahassee, was arrested Friday and charged with four counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and one count of battery, for allegedly ramming an assistant manager with a shopping cart. She was also charged with resisting arrest and battery of an officer, according to the arrest report.

The Wakulla County Sheriff’s news release says Alday is 61 years old, but the arrest report states she was born in June 1961, which would make her 51.

Alday became “extremely upset” that the Crawfordville Walmart would not accept her coupon and continued to “verbally abuse” the assistant manager while being escorted out, the deputy’s report says. When the supervisor said she was going to take down Alday’s license plate number, Alday replied, “If you follow me, I have something in my car for you.”

She then emerged from her 2011 Ford Escape SUV with a holstered handgun that she began waving at four employees, who went back inside “due to being in fear for their lives,” the arrest reports says. She then backed out of the parking lot and fled.

A sheriff’s detective soon stopped Alday and was joined by a deputy, who asked Alday if she had a gun. “Yes, I have a concealed weapons permit, and you are not taking my gun,” the arrest report states.

Alday refused to get out of her vehicle, and the deputy twice stunned her with his Taser after she reached toward the passenger seat and continued to struggle. The deputies then pulled her from the SUV and handcuffed her.

The gun — a loaded Smith & Wesson .38 Airweight — was found in the center console.

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04.02.

Lettuce Check For Stool

I was wandering toward the produce when I experienced a typical Walmart moment. The customer I spotted looked like so many others that I have seen on this site. She was probably in her mid-to-late 50s, and she gave off that obvious vibe of someone whose primary residence sits on cinder blocks or wheels. Modified power-mullet? Check. Tank top with no bra? Check. Shorts and flip-flops even though it was a frosty 37 degrees outside? Check and check. And what was she doing? Why, she was using the shopping cart as a makeshift platform on which to change a toddler’s dirty diaper. She has yet to see me, which partially explains what happened next. After dropping the used diaper/naps bundle to the floor and kicking it aside, she then looked at her hand, noticed what had to have been some sort of poopy residue, reached over into the produce bin, and started to wipe her hand on a large head of lettuce.

Now I’m normally pretty non-confrontational, but after seeing this, I just blurted out “Oh come on! What are you, an animal!?” She turned to look at me, and for a split-second I saw it in her eyes: she knew that she had really crossed over a line, and she also knew that she had been stone-cold busted. But like I said, this look only lasted for a second. Her face then reverted to normal, and she told me to go fuck myself.

Ah yes, the classic rhetorical escalation uttered in countless WalMart arguments. She started to push her cart toward the front of the store, so I called out “I’m going to find a manager and tell him what you did!” Her reply? “I didn’t do anything [whips out cellphone], and I’m going to call the cops!” So that’s how the argument ended, both of us threatening to tell on each other.

A Walmart associate then came out of the receiving area, so I told her what had happened and, to her credit, she bagged up 2 or 3 heads of lettuce along with the diaper.

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05.27.

By The Pound

During Thanksgiving there is a coffee company that makes pumpkin-flavored coffee as a limited edition item and they get snatched up in our little town pretty fast. Seeing as Walmart always seems to have what we need, we ran in one night after a movie. My friend decided she was more broke than I and would buy the coffee in bulk and I grabbed a prepackaged bag for myself. After we went through the line we compared our receipts and realized mine was much cheaper for the amount of beans I got. We both stood there and turned around to see the rather large cashier check the next person out and noticed that her flap of belly fat had nowhere else to go but the produce scale in front of her. She had actually weighed her own stomach while weighing my friend’s small bag of coffee beans! I wanted her to go to customer service and tell them what happened, but she thought it would be too cruel.

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08.18.

Peas

So, last weekend my husband stopped into our Walmart, bought some frozen vegetables and was checking out. The cashier picked up a box of brussel sprouts and said, “Do you eat these?” Which I responded, “Yes, as weird as it sounds, I love them!” My husband laughed because he thinks they are gross.

She looked at me very shocked and said, “I could never eat those. Sometimes I eat peas. But what is that inside of peas? Potato?” She was dead serious. She thought peas were stuffed with potatoes. We have been laughing about this for a week.

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People of Walmart is a humor blog that depicts the many customers of Walmart stores across the United States and Canada. Through funny photos and videos, People of Walmart is an entertainment blog in the Three Ring Blogs network that features over 30 of the funniest humor blogs on the internet. Walmart is the largest retail store in the United States and has millions of people visit stores each day wearing anything but proper attire. Hello Flippa.

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