AUGUST 10–A Louisiana man arrested yesterday for driving around a Walmart parking lot with his penis exposed explained to cops that “he gets aroused” when visiting the retail giant, according to a police report.
Travis Keen, 28, was busted on an obscenity charge and booked into the Ouachita Parish jail, where he is being held in lieu of $5000 bail.
Keen, pictured in the mug shot at right, was collared after a witness reported to police that a man driving a Ford Taurus drove past him “with his penis exposed.” The witness, who tailed the Ford as it drove around a Walmart parking lot in Monroe, told cops that when the suspect “saw a female in the parking lot he would stop and watch them.”
When Officer Colby Spillers confronted him, Keen reportedly “stated he did have his penis out because of past experiences he had at Wal-Mart. Keen stated when he comes to Wal-Mart he gets aroused.”
I used to work customer service desk at Wal Mart and I have had my share of horror. The customer service desk often receives lost items found in the store but one day a customer brought us a screaming lost little boy. We were able to get his mom’s name and we paged her to come retrieve him. Meanwhile this boy is still screaming his head off. After no one came for several minutes, we started to page every minute or so for about fifteen minutes. This kid does not stop yelling the entire time. Eventually the mother comes by customer service yelling at us for paging her so much. She had decided that she was going to finish her shopping and check out before she picked up her kid. She yelled some angry words at us as she was leaving. Some people shouldn’t have kids.
While shopping at Wal-Mart during the worst shopping day of the year (Black Friday) almost 2 years ago, my wife and I were walking to the electronics to see if they had a few of the Xbox 360 games and SD memory cards that were on sale left to sell. I had decided to try and swim through the sea of Wal-Creatures (too many to count, I thought I was in a circus!) while leaving my wife in an area with less people (since we had our son with us and he was only 5 months old and we were unable to get a baby-sitter)when I finally get stuck and have to wait until some people clear out of the way.
This is when I notice that there is an old lady, probably in her late 70’s or early 80’s, wearing a rediculously large fur coat. Not entirely surprising, except for the fact that she had nothing in her cart. Not even a sale’s ad. Intrigued, I watch for a moment as she then begins to look around as though she was doing something suspicious, and I was rewarded a few moments later with a startling show.
She slowly pushed her cart out of the way and squeezed herself through the people until she reached a rather large woman’s cart full of clothes, toys, games, and a 32″ tv and start to walk off with it while the fat lady was arguing with a clerk about the price of some video game. I stood in utter amazement as the tiny, fur wearing gremlin made it probably 30 feet before the large ogre of a women realized that her cart was missing and thundered after the old lady! I watched the exchange of curses as the old lady said that it was HER cart to begin with and the fat lady was calling her “an old senile bitch”.
How the whole thing stopped, you wonder? The fat lady pulled out the largest pair of skivvies I had ever seen and said quite loudly “If this is your cart then why the f*@$ would you be buying these?!”
The old lady didn’t skip a beat with her response, said straight faced “They’re for my nephew who’s a drag queen.”
After hearing that, I busted out laughing and headed back to my wife.
During Thanksgiving there is a coffee company that makes pumpkin-flavored coffee as a limited edition item and they get snatched up in our little town pretty fast. Seeing as Walmart always seems to have what we need, we ran in one night after a movie. My friend decided she was more broke than I and would buy the coffee in bulk and I grabbed a prepackaged bag for myself. After we went through the line we compared our receipts and realized mine was much cheaper for the amount of beans I got. We both stood there and turned around to see the rather large cashier check the next person out and noticed that her flap of belly fat had nowhere else to go but the produce scale in front of her. She had actually weighed her own stomach while weighing my friend’s small bag of coffee beans! I wanted her to go to customer service and tell them what happened, but she thought it would be too cruel.
People of Walmart is a humor blog that depicts the many customers of Walmart stores across the United States and Canada. Through funny photos and videos, People of Walmart is an entertainment blog in the Three Ring Blogs network that features over 30 of the funniest humor blogs on the internet. Walmart is the largest retail store in the United States and has millions of people visit stores each day wearing anything but proper attire.