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04.02.

Lettuce Check For Stool

I was wandering toward the produce when I experienced a typical Walmart moment. The customer I spotted looked like so many others that I have seen on this site. She was probably in her mid-to-late 50s, and she gave off that obvious vibe of someone whose primary residence sits on cinder blocks or wheels. Modified power-mullet? Check. Tank top with no bra? Check. Shorts and flip-flops even though it was a frosty 37 degrees outside? Check and check. And what was she doing? Why, she was using the shopping cart as a makeshift platform on which to change a toddler’s dirty diaper. She has yet to see me, which partially explains what happened next. After dropping the used diaper/naps bundle to the floor and kicking it aside, she then looked at her hand, noticed what had to have been some sort of poopy residue, reached over into the produce bin, and started to wipe her hand on a large head of lettuce.

Now I’m normally pretty non-confrontational, but after seeing this, I just blurted out “Oh come on! What are you, an animal!?” She turned to look at me, and for a split-second I saw it in her eyes: she knew that she had really crossed over a line, and she also knew that she had been stone-cold busted. But like I said, this look only lasted for a second. Her face then reverted to normal, and she told me to go fuck myself.

Ah yes, the classic rhetorical escalation uttered in countless WalMart arguments. She started to push her cart toward the front of the store, so I called out “I’m going to find a manager and tell him what you did!” Her reply? “I didn’t do anything [whips out cellphone], and I’m going to call the cops!” So that’s how the argument ended, both of us threatening to tell on each other.

A Walmart associate then came out of the receiving area, so I told her what had happened and, to her credit, she bagged up 2 or 3 heads of lettuce along with the diaper.

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07.06.

Five Knuckle Shuffle

I have seen some pretty sick stuff since I started working for Walmart, but last night took the cake. I work at a Walmart in a college town and during the summer months we always have girls coming in to do late night shopping in their bikinis. Last night an older gentleman came into the story and was wandering around the men’s clothing. This guy was watching everyone in the area pretty closely, and when the coast was clear, he moved into the middle of one of the shirt racks. This guy wasnt very tall and was able to easily squat down under the rack. One of the ladies in the area called me over the walkie and asked that I come over to the area to see what was going on. As I walked over to the shirt rack I noticed 3 very cute girls in bikinis in the womens area looking at underwear, and I heard a moaning sound coming from the rack. I ran away from the shirt rack and had one of the associates call the police. The police arrived at the store pretty quickly and apprehended the guy as he was finishing his business.

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02.09.

Poor Man’s Porn

One afternoon, I was at Walmart, buying some socks. It so happens to be that the sock section is next to the bras. Well, as I approached the sock section, I noticed a heavyset, balding man who looked to be in his mid-fifties just standing there, looking at the bras. He was wearing a dark, oversized trench coat, strange because it was about 60 degrees and sunny outside. I went on with my business, picking out some socks as well as several pairs of pajama pants. I was looking through clothes for a full 10 minutes, when I realized that the man was still there. It took me a while to realize, this guy was STARING at the seminude models on packaging. I haven’t bought socks there since…

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06.01.

Keep The Change

Back in ’96 I was cashiering at the local Walmart when a couple made their way to the front of my line. I proceded to check their groceries, and gave the couple the total. The husband pulled out his wallet and counted out the exact dollar amount of his bill and handed over what turned out to be a sweat soaked wad of cash. As I was counting the money, the husband turned to his wife, evidentally asking for the change portion of their total. She then reached her hand through the neck of her shirt, into her bra and pulled out a small handful of change. Since we weren’t reprimanded for any register discrepancies of less than $5, I hit the cash button, handed over the receipt, and began checking the next customer.

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People of Walmart - Funny Photos Of Walmart Shoppers - Humor Blog

People of Walmart is a humor blog that depicts the many customers of Walmart stores across the United States and Canada. Through funny photos and videos, Please of Walmart is an entertainment blog in the Three Ring Blogs network that features over 30 of the funniest humor blogs on the internet. Walmart is the largest retail store in the United States and has millions of people visit stores each day wearing anything but proper attire.

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