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04.02.

Lettuce Check For Stool

I was wandering toward the produce when I experienced a typical Walmart moment. The customer I spotted looked like so many others that I have seen on this site. She was probably in her mid-to-late 50s, and she gave off that obvious vibe of someone whose primary residence sits on cinder blocks or wheels. Modified power-mullet? Check. Tank top with no bra? Check. Shorts and flip-flops even though it was a frosty 37 degrees outside? Check and check. And what was she doing? Why, she was using the shopping cart as a makeshift platform on which to change a toddler’s dirty diaper. She has yet to see me, which partially explains what happened next. After dropping the used diaper/naps bundle to the floor and kicking it aside, she then looked at her hand, noticed what had to have been some sort of poopy residue, reached over into the produce bin, and started to wipe her hand on a large head of lettuce.

Now I’m normally pretty non-confrontational, but after seeing this, I just blurted out “Oh come on! What are you, an animal!?” She turned to look at me, and for a split-second I saw it in her eyes: she knew that she had really crossed over a line, and she also knew that she had been stone-cold busted. But like I said, this look only lasted for a second. Her face then reverted to normal, and she told me to go fuck myself.

Ah yes, the classic rhetorical escalation uttered in countless WalMart arguments. She started to push her cart toward the front of the store, so I called out “I’m going to find a manager and tell him what you did!” Her reply? “I didn’t do anything [whips out cellphone], and I’m going to call the cops!” So that’s how the argument ended, both of us threatening to tell on each other.

A Walmart associate then came out of the receiving area, so I told her what had happened and, to her credit, she bagged up 2 or 3 heads of lettuce along with the diaper.

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07.06.

Paparazzi

While at Walmart, I was walking past the register area and I spotted a wonderful specimen of Wal-Creature… A woman who’s hair was parted down the middle and half was jet black while the other half was LITERALLY neon pink (I wont even go in to the ridiculousness that was her outfit). So neon pink, that I guess that there would be no way in the world for this color to even exist in hair dye. I quickly looked interested in some purses to hide and take a picture to submit here when her friend, a Wal-creature as well, comes bounding toward me as if she were an 800 pound gorilla and I was a bunch of bananas (no quite as far off of a description as it sounds). She started screaming at me asking if I was a paparazzi, and did I even know who she was, and how dare I try to capture their pictures, etc.. I kindly replied that no, I did not in fact know who she was nor was I a paparazzi. She then demanded that we “take this outside” to which I said “No thanks, but I’m sure the police would be happy to meet you out there.” Apparently that scared her sufficiently and she stormed away. I did not dare to even attempt another picture.

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04.08.

Catch Me If You Can

This evening I decided to stop and pick a few things up at the store on my way home from work. Unfortunately, the only store between my office and house is a Wal-Mart. I parked my car and I was getting out, I noticed A LOT of commotion from the car parked directly in front of me. I tried to play it off like I didn’t notice, but that was impossible. Literally, everyone in the parking lot stopped to witness the ordeal going on in front of me. There was a 30-something year old female screaming at the top of her lungs for some guy to “get up off me,” and/or “get out of my car.” Now said guy wasn’t “up on her,” or in her car. He was standing next to the driver side door, which was open, and repeatedly asked her to come back into the store so they could discuss things. (She was standing outside the passenger side of her car). I slowly walked to the front of the store where approximately 30 people were standing to watch this arguement. I found out from fellow spectators that the chick had stolen some item from Wal-Mart and the guy was apparently with the loss and prevention department. Next thing I know, this crazy lady starts running and screaming through the parking lot, and the guy is chasing after her. By this time, just about everyone has come out of the store and everyone in the parking lot is staring and hysterically laughing. Before you know it, this insane thief is trying to get into some random chick’s car. Naturally, the random chick starts freaking out and yelling at the thief. So now, not only is the Wal-Mart security guy screaming at this lady, so is a random woman who just wants to enter the store. This fiasco ended with the thief hightailing it across a VERY busy, major street. Cars start honking and slamming on the brakes, the security guy follows her across the street and finally tackles her in the grass. Right about the time the guy nailed the girl, the cops showed up. I have no idea what on earth this chick stole, but it was by far one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen at a Wal-Mart.

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03.25.

Woman Bites Off Finger Tip

An East Naples woman bit off the tip of another woman’s ring finger during a fight over an alleged affair.

Collier County sheriff’s deputies said 43-year-old Clodia Coicour was charged with aggravated battery after the Monday night incident outside the Walmart where both women work.

The victim told deputies she was walking to her car after her shift ended when Coicour doused her with pepper spray. That’s when the two women started fighting.

Coicour told deputies she heard a rumor that the other woman was having an affair with her husband, who also works at Walmart.

No phone number was listed for Coicour. The names of her husband and the victim were not released.

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People of Walmart - Funny Photos Of Walmart Shoppers - Humor Blog

People of Walmart is a humor blog that depicts the many customers of Walmart stores across the United States and Canada. Through funny photos and videos, Please of Walmart is an entertainment blog in the Three Ring Blogs network that features over 30 of the funniest humor blogs on the internet. Walmart is the largest retail store in the United States and has millions of people visit stores each day wearing anything but proper attire.

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