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12.04.

The Cocaine Diet

I was standing behind two young girls at my local Walmart a couple of weeks go. One girl casually stated that she was going on a cocaine diet. The other girl said she found starving herself a much cheaper & effective way to lose weight because you don’t have to buy cocaine or food. I could not believe I was witnessing this conversation.

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03.28.

You Guys Want Some Cookies?

I pulled into the local Wal-Mart over the weekend and saw something that I had to pass on. The Girl Scouts were out front selling cookies, approaching customers as they exited the store.

Two little girls, about 8 years old go bouncing up to this old woman in one of those electric scooter/shopping cart things. “Hi, we are with—-”

They are interrupted by the old woman shouting: “You two can go fuck yourselves!” The little girls and the parents were stunned into silence. The cranky old woman rolled off towards her car, not saying anything else.

I was sort of horrified but still choking back laughter as I strolled into the store.

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07.05.

Salinas Couple Try To Sell Baby For $25

A Salinas man accused of trying to sell his 6-month-old baby for $25 Tuesday was assaulted while being held in Monterey County Jail, authorities said.

Patrick Fousek, 38, and Samantha Tomasini, 20, the baby’s mother, were arrested on Wednesday at their residence on the 700 block of East Romie Lane, police said.

Police said Fousek had approached two women and asked to use their cell phone outside Walmart on North Davis Road. After he finished his phone call, they said, Fousek asked the women, who had been playing with the baby, if they would like to purchase his daughter for $25.

Police said Fousek immediately left and went to the car where the mother, 20-year-old Tomasini, was waiting. As the couple drove away, they said, the two women were able to get the pair’s license plate number.

Police said officers found the couple at their home about 1 a.m. Wednesday.

The county District Attorney’s Office said the couple was charged with child endangerment and attempting to dissuade a witness, both felonies. The couple also faces charges of being under the influence of a controlled substance and possession of drug paraphernalia, both misdemeanors.

The couple pleaded not guilty today to charges they tried to sell their 6-month-old baby for $25 Tuesday night outside of Walmart, the District Attorney’s Office said.

The couple is expected to appear in court on July 7.

County sheriff’s Cmdr. Mike Richards said Fousek was assaulted by multiple inmates about 10:15 p.m. on Thursday. Richards said the inmates found out about Fousek’s arrest from watching the news.

He said Fousek received bruises to his face and two broken ribs. He was transported to Natividad Medical Hospital for treatment.

No arrests have been made in the assault, Richards said, which is still under investigation.

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03.16.

Oops, I (Almost) Crapped My Pants

I can’t believe that I’m even submitting this story, but it’s too good NOT to share.

It was Mexican night. We’d had refried beans, tacos… quite literally, the whole enchilada. My step-daughter and I were browsing in the toy department for a board game that we could take back for a family game night. I saw one title that piqued my interest, and I practically climbed the shelves to grab the box from the top shelf. After about five minutes of reading about the game, I decided it wasn’t “the one,” and I stretched back on tiptoe to put it back on the top shelf. It didn’t sit well. In fact, it wobbled and started to fall back towards my step-daughter’s head. In an attempt to save her from being beaned by the boardgame, I jumped up to catch the falling box. As I came back down… it happened. It’s funny how a fart seems so much louder when it’s happening in a public setting… and under duress.

My step-daughter’s eyes grew as big as saucers, and she whispered, “I know you didn’t just…” I just fell into laughter… until…

That’s when I realized that there was this kid standing right behind me… about butt level. I had farted on some random child in the Wal-mart toy department! His parents and siblings thought it was hilarious… I did, too… even though it was incredibly embarrassing at the time.

I just want to say to that kid… wherever you are… I’m sorry for cutting the cheese on your head. Blame it on gravity…

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People of Walmart - Funny Photos Of Walmart Shoppers - Humor Blog

People of Walmart is a humor blog that depicts the many customers of Walmart stores across the United States and Canada. Through funny photos and videos, People of Walmart is an entertainment blog in the Three Ring Blogs network that features over 30 of the funniest humor blogs on the internet. Walmart is the largest retail store in the United States and has millions of people visit stores each day wearing anything but proper attire. Hello Flippa.

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