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05.20.

You’re Not My Dad!

So I’m walking through Walmart behind this guy and his son. The kid has to be about 6 or 7 tops. We’re walking past the toys section when the kid asks his dad if they can stop and look. The dad informs him nicely that they don’t have time for toys today. The kid continues to ask and beg loudly and I can tell the dad is getting frustrated. He grabs the kids arm, telling him no, and begins yanking him away from the toy aisle.

As if on cue the kid begins screaming, “Who are you? You’re not my dad! Let me go!”

People are staring, confused, wondering if they should do something. The dad turns red and drags his kid out of Walmart with a bunch of concerned customers and employees watching.

My only question is, where in the hell did this kid learn something like that?

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08.23.

The Healthy Choice

While doing a bit of grocery shopping last week, I think I cracked the reason for the high obesity rate in America. As I rounded from one aisle to the next, I saw an end cap filled with various candy bars. There was a couple browsing the selection. I wouldn’t classify them as obese, but they were most certainly overweight. As the husband reached for a package of candy bars I overheard his wife say (with absolutely no sense of sarcasm in her voice), “Not those ones, grab the Mounds bars. They have coconut in them and you could use the extra fruit.”

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04.06.

Fun With Animals

I was a CSM in a brand new store that was pretty understaffed. Most of my lunches had to be covered by my support manager, or any assistant manager who was feeling nice.

One day when I came back, my support manager shoved the palm pilot and the schedule board into my hands and semi-yelled as she practically ran off, “I’M NEVER GOING TO COVER FOR YOU AGAIN!” … The lines weren’t long, customers seemed generally happy, all the breaks and meals were taken care of before I left… I didn’t know what her deal was until a service desk associate told me to go look at the lady standing at the service desk…

I stood there for a minute, signing slips and pretending to be there for a reason. I finally realized what she was talking about and almost tripped over myself while doing so — this lady had baby opossums in her hair!! LIVE baby opossums! The cashier finished the transaction and the other customers, who had been standing as far away as possible, came to the front, all astonished at the opossum lady…

Later I talked my APC (asset protection coordinator) to show me and the other CSM who came in a few hours later into showing us the tape. We watched as customers realized and backed off, covering their mouths while pointing at her hair.. But the real gem was our support manager, who was leaning towards her most of the time, not realizing the movement in her hair until she looked up about halfway through the transaction. She backed away suddenly – far enough to hit the back desk – and screamed not once, not twice, but three times all the while clutching at her heart. The lady wasn’t so amused…

Ah, man… One good thing that Walmart has done for me — I have some pretty dumbfounding stories now!!!

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03.15.

Parking Lot Picnic

Let’s start by saying I loathe Wal-Mart. It takes an act of congress to get me near one…..or an act of my girlfriend. Anyhoo…..there are times that fate brings me our local store. Franticaly looking for a last minute gift late one evening, I find myself in a traffic jam in the store parking lot. Assuming someone had broke down in the middle of the lane, myself, as others started to drive around the obstacle that lay ahead. As I neared, slowly, the scenario started to attack my synapses.

There, in the middle of the lane, was a man passing out fried chicken to his extremley large family. They were all gathered around the shopping cart like flies to…..well, you know. They were having a friggin’ picnic in the parking lot at Wal-Mart…..at night.

Had this behavior been displayed in the parking lot of our local Target or Kohls, I would have been surprised. But sadly, I was not surprised to see it at our local Wal-Mart. These folks paid no more mind to the traffic avoiding them then they did to sound judgment. I must admit, instead of being angry and cussing the family as most did while driving by them, I found a great amount of jest in the situation.

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People of Walmart - Funny Photos Of Walmart Shoppers - Humor Blog

People of Walmart is a humor blog that depicts the many customers of Walmart stores across the United States and Canada. Through funny photos and videos, People of Walmart is an entertainment blog in the Three Ring Blogs network that features over 30 of the funniest humor blogs on the internet. Walmart is the largest retail store in the United States and has millions of people visit stores each day wearing anything but proper attire. Hello Flippa.

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