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04.06.

Fun With Animals

I was a CSM in a brand new store that was pretty understaffed. Most of my lunches had to be covered by my support manager, or any assistant manager who was feeling nice.

One day when I came back, my support manager shoved the palm pilot and the schedule board into my hands and semi-yelled as she practically ran off, “I’M NEVER GOING TO COVER FOR YOU AGAIN!” … The lines weren’t long, customers seemed generally happy, all the breaks and meals were taken care of before I left… I didn’t know what her deal was until a service desk associate told me to go look at the lady standing at the service desk…

I stood there for a minute, signing slips and pretending to be there for a reason. I finally realized what she was talking about and almost tripped over myself while doing so — this lady had baby opossums in her hair!! LIVE baby opossums! The cashier finished the transaction and the other customers, who had been standing as far away as possible, came to the front, all astonished at the opossum lady…

Later I talked my APC (asset protection coordinator) to show me and the other CSM who came in a few hours later into showing us the tape. We watched as customers realized and backed off, covering their mouths while pointing at her hair.. But the real gem was our support manager, who was leaning towards her most of the time, not realizing the movement in her hair until she looked up about halfway through the transaction. She backed away suddenly – far enough to hit the back desk – and screamed not once, not twice, but three times all the while clutching at her heart. The lady wasn’t so amused…

Ah, man… One good thing that Walmart has done for me — I have some pretty dumbfounding stories now!!!

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03.15.

Parking Lot Picnic

Let’s start by saying I loathe Wal-Mart. It takes an act of congress to get me near one…..or an act of my girlfriend. Anyhoo…..there are times that fate brings me our local store. Franticaly looking for a last minute gift late one evening, I find myself in a traffic jam in the store parking lot. Assuming someone had broke down in the middle of the lane, myself, as others started to drive around the obstacle that lay ahead. As I neared, slowly, the scenario started to attack my synapses.

There, in the middle of the lane, was a man passing out fried chicken to his extremley large family. They were all gathered around the shopping cart like flies to…..well, you know. They were having a friggin’ picnic in the parking lot at Wal-Mart…..at night.

Had this behavior been displayed in the parking lot of our local Target or Kohls, I would have been surprised. But sadly, I was not surprised to see it at our local Wal-Mart. These folks paid no more mind to the traffic avoiding them then they did to sound judgment. I must admit, instead of being angry and cussing the family as most did while driving by them, I found a great amount of jest in the situation.

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07.25.

The Bread Winner

I was working the cash register during a late night shift when this drunk fella stumbled up to my line. I greeted him and the only thing that he said to me was “Whatever you do, don’t squish my bread.” He said this to me multiple times. He gathered his two bags of groceries, proceeded to snag his shirt on the corner the counter, tripped, and smashed his bread.

I tried to hold back a laugh but was just too good to pass up.

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07.12.

Family Matters

One day, back in my college days in the 80’s, I worked as a cashier in the local Wal-Mart. I haven’t seen my natural father for at least 12 years at that point… was a nasty split between my mom and dad and I had no clue he lived in the town I went to college in.

I checked out the lady and she wrote a check… It had both HIS and HER Full names on the check. I looked up and asked her was Mr. ______ born on Valentine’s day in 1948. She snapped back… Yes he was… what’s it to you? She began to berate me for being so nosy and my favorite manager came over to investigate what was going on. I looked at the Manager and said I asked her if her husband Mr. ______ was born on valentines day in 1948 and she thinks I’m being nosy and wants to know what’s it to me.

I was trying to be gentle and kind about it, but she was being quite a witch about it… so I just looked her dead in the eye and said “Oh nothing much, that’s my dad… I haven’t seen him in years… so I guess that makes you my step mom.”

All the color went from her face and I thought she was going to hit the floor.

I have since made peace with Dad and Step-Momster (actually she was exactly what he needed to straighten him out and I’m glad he found her) now I when I go visit I visit with her more than him.

One time when she was in the hospital her sister asked her how she got such a caring son… she always answers… “I picked him up at Wal-Mart”.

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People of Walmart - Funny Photos Of Walmart Shoppers - Humor Blog

People of Walmart is a humor blog that depicts the many customers of Walmart stores across the United States and Canada. Through funny photos and videos, People of Walmart is an entertainment blog in the Three Ring Blogs network that features over 30 of the funniest humor blogs on the internet. Walmart is the largest retail store in the United States and has millions of people visit stores each day wearing anything but proper attire. Hello Flippa.

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