I was shopping with my girlfriend and had to piss. I go into the bathroom and start pissing in one of the urinals. A dude was in the stall next to me. He was shitting. Very loudly. While he shat, he laughed hysterically and yelled:
Dude: “You like that, Garret? AHAHAHA!!! You like it?!!!”
Kids voice: “Yeah, daddy! More!”
Dude: “Here it comes…”
Kid: “HAHAHA!!! MORE!”
*SHIT PLOPPING IN WATER*
After I finished peeing, I backed up to see under the stall and saw the legs of a man sitting on the toilet and the feet of a child standing, facing the man. I guess it’s a game they play?
I was in the world of Wally the other day with my husband, grabbing a few items we needed, but couldn’t get in a one stop spot save from Walmart. Reluctantly, we grabbed a cart, and to our surprise, it wasn’t broken. We made our way through the store to pick up milk, shampoo, a new Rock band controller, some yarn and dog food. Went off without a hitch. Everything was on the shelves, clearly marked and priced, and an associate even offered help on her own free will. There weren’t any screaming babies or half clad over weight women. I didn’t even see a single mullet. Convinced I was about to wake up at any moment, I decided to rush to the front to pay for our items and high tail it outta there to see if we’d won the lottery or inherited some small profitable country. We get to the front, and the lanes are open. Open with no customers. No waiting to check out… Surely hell’s temperature had dropped to 14 Kelvins. We check out and just as we’re about to hand over the money, the store manager walked by us. There was a smell lingering in the air so putrid I gagged. I looked around, and the manager himself had exploded in what must’ve been the in store Taco Bell, and there is feces stained on the back of his pants and coming down his right leg, even leaving a trail on the floor. I swiped my card as quickly as I could, exchanged a look with my husband of disgust and we hurriedly left the store.
Once we got to the car I felt very foolish and stupid that I could assume a perfect visit to Walmart is more than just fantasy… still beating myself up over than one.
I have seen some pretty sick stuff since I started working for Walmart, but last night took the cake. I work at a Walmart in a college town and during the summer months we always have girls coming in to do late night shopping in their bikinis. Last night an older gentleman came into the story and was wandering around the men’s clothing. This guy was watching everyone in the area pretty closely, and when the coast was clear, he moved into the middle of one of the shirt racks. This guy wasnt very tall and was able to easily squat down under the rack. One of the ladies in the area called me over the walkie and asked that I come over to the area to see what was going on. As I walked over to the shirt rack I noticed 3 very cute girls in bikinis in the womens area looking at underwear, and I heard a moaning sound coming from the rack. I ran away from the shirt rack and had one of the associates call the police. The police arrived at the store pretty quickly and apprehended the guy as he was finishing his business.
Let’s start by saying I loathe Wal-Mart. It takes an act of congress to get me near one…..or an act of my girlfriend. Anyhoo…..there are times that fate brings me our local store. Franticaly looking for a last minute gift late one evening, I find myself in a traffic jam in the store parking lot. Assuming someone had broke down in the middle of the lane, myself, as others started to drive around the obstacle that lay ahead. As I neared, slowly, the scenario started to attack my synapses.
There, in the middle of the lane, was a man passing out fried chicken to his extremley large family. They were all gathered around the shopping cart like flies to…..well, you know. They were having a friggin’ picnic in the parking lot at Wal-Mart…..at night.
Had this behavior been displayed in the parking lot of our local Target or Kohls, I would have been surprised. But sadly, I was not surprised to see it at our local Wal-Mart. These folks paid no more mind to the traffic avoiding them then they did to sound judgment. I must admit, instead of being angry and cussing the family as most did while driving by them, I found a great amount of jest in the situation.