Stories

04.06.

Fun With Animals

I was a CSM in a brand new store that was pretty understaffed. Most of my lunches had to be covered by my support manager, or any assistant manager who was feeling nice.

One day when I came back, my support manager shoved the palm pilot and the schedule board into my hands and semi-yelled as she practically ran off, “I’M NEVER GOING TO COVER FOR YOU AGAIN!” … The lines weren’t long, customers seemed generally happy, all the breaks and meals were taken care of before I left… I didn’t know what her deal was until a service desk associate told me to go look at the lady standing at the service desk…

I stood there for a minute, signing slips and pretending to be there for a reason. I finally realized what she was talking about and almost tripped over myself while doing so — this lady had baby opossums in her hair!! LIVE baby opossums! The cashier finished the transaction and the other customers, who had been standing as far away as possible, came to the front, all astonished at the opossum lady…

Later I talked my APC (asset protection coordinator) to show me and the other CSM who came in a few hours later into showing us the tape. We watched as customers realized and backed off, covering their mouths while pointing at her hair.. But the real gem was our support manager, who was leaning towards her most of the time, not realizing the movement in her hair until she looked up about halfway through the transaction. She backed away suddenly – far enough to hit the back desk – and screamed not once, not twice, but three times all the while clutching at her heart. The lady wasn’t so amused…

Ah, man… One good thing that Walmart has done for me — I have some pretty dumbfounding stories now!!!

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07.25.

The Bread Winner

I was working the cash register during a late night shift when this drunk fella stumbled up to my line. I greeted him and the only thing that he said to me was “Whatever you do, don’t squish my bread.” He said this to me multiple times. He gathered his two bags of groceries, proceeded to snag his shirt on the corner the counter, tripped, and smashed his bread.

I tried to hold back a laugh but was just too good to pass up.

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09.12.

The Country Music Fan

Local country fan Reginald Spears was arrested over the weekend for merchandise tampering at the new Super Walmart out on the bypass. The details of his infractions are unique, to say the least.

Third-shift electronics cashier Lena Johnston first noticed Spears rifling through the country CD section and filling a grocery cart with at least 100 discs before leaving the department. She thought he was just a rabid music fan until he returned 15 minutes later with the same cart and began slipping CDs back onto the shelves while looking around suspiciously.

Johnston walked over to Spears and asked if he’d decided not to make the massive music purchase. Spears responded “Yeah, yeah uh, yes ma’am” and began sweating profusely. He became spooked shortly afterwards and haphazardly threw the remainder of his CDs on the shelf before walking away. Johnston investigated the country section and noticed that it was full of unwrapped, well-worn CDs that Spears had apparently brought from his home. Spears was apprehended by security, mostly without incident, before leaving the store.

“I looked on the shelf and where Rascal Flatts was supposed to be, that scruffy looking man had put Flatt & Smugs or something like that… and where Taylor Swift had been, he’d replaced it with Tanya Tucker. I guess he’d stole all them new CDs and tried to replace ‘em with his old junk,” said a perplexed Johnston.

Fresh out on bail, Mr. Spears had a far different story. “I didn’t shoplift nothin’. I told the cops they could find all that country pop bullsh*t in the Rubbermaid garbage cans in home wares… where that crap belongs,” said Spears. “I was just trying to give the people around here some damn culture, so I brought my whole collection up here to give away for free. Of course, I’ve got it all ripped on my laptop. My alphabetizing skills might be lacking, but I ain’t stupid.”

“Can you believe they didn’t have a Jerry Reed CD in the whole god***n store?” he continued. “Well, for 15 shining minutes last Friday night, they did.”

The shoplifting charges against Spears were dropped but he still faces misdemeanor charges of mischief and merchandise tampering. For his part, Reginald is considering legal action against the store.

Spears explained: “They threw all my CDs in the dumpster and broke ‘em, them motherf***ers! I’m suing their asses for destruction of property and mental anguish. I was just trying to help this town out… I’m a by-God patriot!”

Walmart officials had no comment on the situation.

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05.25.

Dirt McGirt

I have worked at Walmart now for about 8 months. I have seen and heard many stories about people stealing merchandise. Well, this one takes the cake. There was a lady in our store one night looking at underwear. This lady was quite large I may add. She approached one of my fellow employees working in lady’s fashion, and asked to try on some underwear. The employee said, “I’m sorry ma’am, but its company policy that you cannot try on underwear, due to health reasons.” The lady looked angry but went on her own way. I was working the next night and I was going around picking up loose merchandise around 9, not too long before the store closes. I was coming by women’s fashion, when I found an empty pack of women’s plus size underwear. I never thought much of it, until I was called back for a clean up in the ladies changeroom. By the looks of it, the lady must have went into the change room, left her dirty, and I mean DIRTY underwear behind, piled on the 6 pairs of underwear, and left. Needless to say I damn well had loads of protection on when I disposed of those. Wow, people can be disgusting!

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People of Walmart - Funny Photos Of Walmart Shoppers - Humor Blog

People of Walmart is a humor blog that depicts the many customers of Walmart stores across the United States and Canada. Through funny photos and videos, People of Walmart is an entertainment blog in the Three Ring Blogs network that features over 30 of the funniest humor blogs on the internet. Walmart is the largest retail store in the United States and has millions of people visit stores each day wearing anything but proper attire. Hello Flippa.

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