A Parting Gift

So I worked at Wal-Mart for a couple of months. Eh, it paid rent and I had beer money, too. As time progressed, my enthusiasm for work (it could be measured in micrograms) dwindled and my motivation to do meaningful work waned (as if meaningful work at Wal-Mart is even possible).

One fine July Wednesday (this happened almost 6 years ago) I got called into my manager’s office. I had a pretty good idea that I was gonna get canned. Before the frumpy fatso even started, he excused himself (to the shitter, for a smoke, I don’t know) for about 5 minutes.

I have a snooping disposition, so after a couple of minutes I got up and started pacing around his office. I noticed that he was in the process of typing a rather lengthy e-mail addressed to about 20 people…I wasn’t concerned about the content but it gave me an idea.

I tabbed to the top of the e-mail where he began with, “Dear Friends” with a cheesy 🙂 emoticon at the end. I then paged down to around halfway through and typed in non-bold, non-large font, “fuck all y’all cocksuckers!” between two random words. I paged back down to where he left off and sat down in my chair. He came in a minute later and proceeded with the termination rhetoric bullshit.

I have no idea if he proofread his e-mail before he sent it out, but he was (is) a complete moron, so I doubt it. I left Wal-Mart with my pride and dignity intact, but I still would’ve liked to have read any responses he got to his e-mail.

State: CO

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