Over the summer, my mom was waiting in line to return something at the customer service desk. There was some crazy lady arguing with the cashier because she wanted to return a potted houseplant. The clerk wouldn’t return the plant because she didn’t have a receipt, there were no tags or anything on the plant, and this woman was obviously nuts and trying to scam them. My mom stood there for over 10 minutes while they argued back and forth about the plant. My mom was getting tired so she moved up towards the counter just to put her bag down. Crazy lady spun around and screamed in my mom’s face, “Hey lady!! You can’t cut in front of me!” My mom, full blooded Italian who takes NO shit, screamed back, “Yeah, well I JUST DID, so what are you gonna do about it? And furthermore, who the HELL returns a houseplant anyway???” Crazy lady got offended by this and spun back around the other way… when she did, she accidentally knocked the plant onto the floor where the pot broke and all the dirt went flying everywhere. My mom laughed out loud at what happened, and Crazy lady got really mad and stormed out of the store.
We stopped by our local Wal-Mart one day to pick up some soda. I don’t know how all the stores are set-up but at the few I’ve been to in southeastern WI, the soda is all the way in the back of the store. As we were walking in there was a little boy with his mother looking at some Matchbox cars they had on display in the front of the store. She let him pick one out but told him he couldn’t have it until they got to the car. That clearly pissed him off and he started screaming. Not just a little yell – no it was more like someone just cut off a limb screaming. We could hear him clear as day as we moved to the back of the store. Once we got to the soda aisle it sounded like he stopped. Oh no, the fans from the freezers were just muffling the sound. That little boy screamed for at least 5 minutes while his mom checked out. People were getting worried and coming up to the front of the store to see if everything was okay. Instead of leaving the store without the little car or giving it to the kid to shut him the f*ck up, she just ignored her kid. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a kid scream that loud in my life. I felt like smacking the shit out of that lady. If you’re kids can’t behave in public, don’t take them out in public!!!
I’m 17, and I’m working at the front registers. I have a huge line, probably a dozen or so people. It’s business as usual until this one lady comes up to me. She a typical Walmart shopper: power mullet, Looney Tunes t-shirt, ratty sweatpants. After saying hello, she lays her crazy right out on the register:
Crazy Lady: “Have you accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior?”
Crazy Lady: “I have, and I’ve given up my sinful nature!”
Me: “Good for you…”
Crazy Lady: “Yep! I’ve given up drinking, smoking, MASTURBATION!!”
Other People in My Line: *Crickets*
She said some other stuff after that, but she lost me at masturbation. The rest of the time was spent trying not to barf.
On a shopping trip, a few birds made their way into the store and were all over the place trying to scrounge up a bite to eat. They were in heaven and it was making a lot of people uncomfortable. They weren’t big birds, just little scrawny things that were actually pretty sickly looking. So they’re flying all over the place and seem to be hanging around the bakery and produce section the most. It was pretty funny to watch them land on a package of cookies and try to peck through the plastic. My wife and I just stopped and watched because we knew the real entertainment was about to begin. Several employees started gathering in the produce area, all conspiring plans to catch or kill the birds so they would stop scaring away the customers. A few were heading back from sporting goods with a fishing net and the others were “coaching” from nearby. A few missed swipes and the birds got wise by hanging out on the light fixtures over the produce. I swear I witnessed the idea formulate in this brilliant Walmart employee and then I got to watch it in action just seconds later. He thought, “I’ll throw something at it to stun it, then the guy with the net can catch it.” Then he proceeded to pick up a few bell peppers and take aim. I knew exactly what would happen before he even threw it. The bell pepper left his hand, hurled in the general direction of the bird, the bird’s natural instincts took over and without any effort, dodged the flying veggies. Having nowhere else to go, the peppers crashed into the light fixtures breaking into many pieces before hitting the ceiling, breaking into even more pieces, then raining down to the floor. He got through three attempts before I managed to stop pointing and laughing.