It is not romantic to post love/marriage fantasies on a public Facebook profile of your bride to be. Especially when the fantasies take place at Walmart. Here is the post:
As we were holding hands and walking through Walmart tonight, I realized that I’ll be walking through Walmart with you for the rest of my life. For wrapping paper and pumpkin pie spice when we have our first Christmas; for lawnmowers and tupperware when we buy our first house; for diapers and tiny socks when we have our first baby; for extra-strength aspirin and Red Bull when we have a teenager; for self-help books and bifocals when we turn 40; for streamers and ice cream cake when our youngest child is finally out of the house; for a porch swing and strawberry lemonade when we don’t know how to work the TV anymore; and finally for calla liles and a blank card when I want to tell my best friend how much I love her and need her every day. Thank you God, and thank you Walmart.
Young man, you have no idea how much you have to learn. You couldn’t have possibly picked a better man to learn from. Willy has forgotten more about pimpin’ than the average man even knows to begin with.
I was in our local Walmart today in Valparaiso, Indiana. I was with my mother and my 12 year old daughter. We were all very tired from our spring break outting and was in the store picking up a few needed items. The store was very busy as it was a Friday early afternoon. A “lady” (with tri-colored pink, black and purple hair in her early 20’s) and I use that term losely was behind me with a cart. She hit the back of my foot three times with her cart. After the third time I turned around and said, “Excuse Me.” She replied with the comment, “If your fat ass would walk a little faster I wouldn’t have to keep hitting you.” We exchanged some very colorful words that then ended in me saying “Bite me” and by now we had drawn a crowd. Her reply to my bite me comment was “You are more then a mouth full.” I then turned to her stuck out my chest, ran my hand firmly across my breast and said, “Oh baby you know you want me and you would love every minute of it, just admit it.” My mother disappeared into a different aisle in the store and my 12 year old hung her head in shame. LOVE IT, LOVE IT. Note * I am a large BBW and proud of it.
If it’s not his full time job already, I am going to hire this guy to simply walk around and stand in the background of pictures.