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04.23.

Public Display Of Disgusting

My girlfriend and I were walking through Wal-Mart the other night and the couple walking down the aisle in front of us were probably in their early 50’s. The man put his hand down the back of the woman’s pants and pulled her underwear up, then shoved his hand down her underwear and was rubbing her butt. We were maybe 4-6 ft behind them. Eventually he looked over his shoulder, smiled at us and pulled his hand out. He then proceeded to run his hand under his nose. Nice.

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04.23.

Smithers, Release the Hounds

Tonight I ran in to get some things at the Moraine, Ohio, Walmart. We were there near the new closing time (the store was 24 hours before someone got shot in the parking lot and there was a rape or two). At five minutes to 11 p.m., over the intercom comes the closing announcement: “Attention shoppers: this store will be closing in five minutes. At that time, we are releasing the dogs.”

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04.23.

My Own Wal-Creature

Every Wal-Mart has its own ‘regulars’ (Willy the Pimp!) and our store is now different. We have ‘Bad Ad-match Lady,’ ‘Smelly Cat Guy,’ ‘Arbor Mist Lady,’ and so on and so on. After three years of working for Wal-Mart as a cashier, I finally got to nickname my very own Wal-Creature.

It was an unusually slow Saturday afternoon, and of few of us cashiers were standing at our registers talking when I spotted her. She was a petite, middle-aged lady with really bad make-up: her foundation was ghost white and caked on so thick it was cracking, super exaggerated pencil-drawn eyebrows, way too much eyeliner, spidery mascara, and red lipstick that looked as if she let a toddler apply it for her. She was browsing the cosmetics, and when she turned the corner to where I thought she couldn’t see me, I pointed her out to the other cashiers. We muffled some giggles, then continued our previous conversation, not giving it another thought.

A couple of minutes later, my Wal-Creature begins pushing her cart towards me, and before I can say “Hi, are you ready to checkout?” She starts laying into me: “I’m sorry miss, but do I have, like, a third eye on my forehead? Becuase I know I look like a hot mess and I don’t look my best today, but it’s incredibly rude for you to gawk and stand here and talk sh*t about me like I’m not standing right here. You think you’re being discreet and all, but you should be ashamed of yourself!”

She stormed off, leaving me, the other cashiers, and a nearby CSM more than a little stunned. After the initial shock wore off, I shrugged it off as someone who was probably having a bad day and I got to be the target of her frustration (we cashiers get that a lot). That is, until she checked out at the register directly behind me. The entire time she ranted to her cashier about how terrible of a person I was, and that people like me should not be allowed to work with the general public. The cashier gave her several apologies for being mistreated, and doing so accidentally scanned some items from the next customer’s ticket, specifically mosetraps. The cashier realized her mistake, but my creature said, “You might as well leave them on my ticket so I can give them to that mean cashier over there and put them on her mouth!” The cashier apologized again, the lady paid in a huff and left.

We see this lady in the store every weekend, almost always shopping for cosmetics. She ALWAYS looks like ‘a hot mess,’ she ALWAYS gives me the stink eye, and we are ALWAYS careful not to offend “The Third-Eye Lady.”

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04.23.

I Wanna F*** You Like An Animal

I was working in the pet department one late Friday night and I was the only one around at the time. I was scrubbing the tanks when these two furries, one was dressed like a wolf and the other was a moose wearing a bikini, walked up to me and asked me where the dog food was. Well, I made the mistake of asking “What kind of dog is it for?”

The moose said “Oh, it’s for my friend here.” So I pointed to where the dog food was and they went off in that direction. A little bit later, I was getting ready to leave for the night and I began checking the whole department for customers that I could help before I left. Well I came around the corner of the dog food section and right in the middle of the aisle were the furries making out on the floor. I was so grossed out that I nearly puked. I went to the nearest phone and rang up security to escort the two love critters out. Security showed up and I darted for the nearest restroom to puke and then clock out and go home.

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People of Walmart - Funny Photos Of Walmart Shoppers - Humor Blog

People of Walmart is a humor blog that depicts the many customers of Walmart stores across the United States and Canada. Through funny photos and videos, People of Walmart is an entertainment blog in the Three Ring Blogs network that features over 30 of the funniest humor blogs on the internet. Walmart is the largest retail store in the United States and has millions of people visit stores each day wearing anything but proper attire. Hello Flippa.

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