Stories

02.07.

Free Wine

I was working the register after zero training, and the customer line was long and getting longer. I was receiving quite a few insults about how slow I was on the register, and reaching the end of my rope with the whole thing when a woman in line took pity on me.

“What would it take to shut down this register?” she said quietly.
“A real disaster” I replied.

She winked, and casually swept her arm around so it knocked a big glass jug of wine off the belt to shatter all over the floor. She apologized over and over to both me and the supervisor who ran up, and my register was shut down for safety reasons, much to the dismay of the line of customers, for whom I had no sympathy.

The best part was an old man in ratty jeans and a t-shirt filled with holes ran up, knelt down in the puddle of wine, and began running his fingers through it and licking the wine off his hands.

I quit 30 minutes later, when the supervisor told me I’d have to stay late to help with the leftover customers because since the wine had broken on my register, it was partially my fault.

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02.15.

The Valentine’s Day Walmart Wedding

BRUNSWICK COUNTY, NC (WECT) – A lot of people are used to hearing, “Cleanup on aisle three,” at stores like Walmart, but not usually, “Wedding in the layaway section!”

But one area couple decided to do just that — they tied the knot at their local Walmart Tuesday.

For Wayne and the new Susan Brandenburg, everyday low prices have led to happily ever after.

“She was a cashier at the time,” said Wayne. “I kept coming through and seeing her…my [former] wife died seven years ago, and I asked [Susan] out. For some reason, she said yes and it went from there.”

They wanted to share their special moment with all their friends, and they wanted to do something different.

“I love him and I’m going to stay with him for a long, long time…” said Susan.

The couple plans to take their honeymoon when the weather warms up.

They’re hoping to spend it in the mountains.

Story courtesy of WECT.

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25 Comments Funny  //  North Carolina  //  Stories
01.16.

Help!

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CITRUS HEIGHTS- A Walmart employee is hoping to reunite a child with the incredible book of rules that they wrote.

“Don’t get into other people’s business. Don’t call each other names. Clean up your messes. No eating other people’s food. One hundred eighteen is don’t keep saying please if someone says no. I like that,” said Raymond Flores as he reads off the kind of advice you might snatch up in the self-help section at Barnes & Noble.

“One hundred twelve is to try to make things fair,” reads Flores.

But these life lessons came to Walmart employee Flores at work, as he scanned the lot of his Citrus Heights store for empty carts.

“There really wasn’t much out there and I saw this book sitting in a parking spot, so I thought I’d pick it up and check it out,” said Flores.

After flipping through these little pages, Flores quickly realized he’d found something too special to be tossed.

“Rule number 154 was to protect this book,” he read.

Following the lead of the young author and Batman, one of his superhero idols, he wants to find the rightful owner.

“They put a lot of hard work into it. These rules mean a lot to them and probably to the parents, as well,” he said.

While it’s obvious the more trained hand of a parent wrote down several of the rules, page turning reveals words and wisdom penned by a little person.

“Ware (sic) your seatbelt.”

“Resicle (sic)”

“One of them is go to bed early if you have dance in the morning. That applies to more than just dance. If you have work, school, anything important; just prioritize,” Flores said.

“Put your shoes by the front door when you take them off,” he reads that line as he looks over at his own shoes piled by a doorway.

Other listed ‘rules’ to live by that appear to have come from a child, speak across years they’ve yet to live.

“Don’t leave your friends behind and no texting and driving at the same time,” Flores read.

The other reason’s he’s so interested in getting the book back to it’s author, is that it’s clear rule 158 was in progress when the book was lost.”

“I thought this was adorable. I just thought it was really nice and stuff. What kind of kid does this,” he said.

Flores can’t wait to find out.

He’s hoping this story reaches the book’s owner and it can be returned.

One the rules that might stand out the most: Don’t bite the dentist.

If you’re the author or connected to the child who is, Flores is asking you to email FOX40′s Sonseeahray Tonsall at [email protected]

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01.16.

Glazed Doughnuts

A couple years ago, while I worked for the Walmart Photo Lab, I received a multitude of highly inappropriate and, often, hilarious pictures. However, one photo will forever be burned into my retinas.

You know those toys for infants, the plastic rings that you stack around a plastic stick according to size? Yeah, those are great fun. However, replacing the plastic stick with an obscenely filthy penis and the plastic rings with glazed doughnuts? That……yeah… To say it was horrifying is somewhere beyond an understatement.

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People of Walmart - Funny Photos Of Walmart Shoppers - Humor Blog

People of Walmart is a humor blog that depicts the many customers of Walmart stores across the United States and Canada. Through funny photos and videos, People of Walmart is an entertainment blog in the Three Ring Blogs network that features over 30 of the funniest humor blogs on the internet. Walmart is the largest retail store in the United States and has millions of people visit stores each day wearing anything but proper attire. Hello Flippa.

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