Stories

07.25.

The Bread Winner

I was working the cash register during a late night shift when this drunk fella stumbled up to my line. I greeted him and the only thing that he said to me was “Whatever you do, don’t squish my bread.” He said this to me multiple times. He gathered his two bags of groceries, proceeded to snag his shirt on the corner the counter, tripped, and smashed his bread.

I tried to hold back a laugh but was just too good to pass up.

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03.28.

You Guys Want Some Cookies?

I pulled into the local Wal-Mart over the weekend and saw something that I had to pass on. The Girl Scouts were out front selling cookies, approaching customers as they exited the store.

Two little girls, about 8 years old go bouncing up to this old woman in one of those electric scooter/shopping cart things. “Hi, we are with—-”

They are interrupted by the old woman shouting: “You two can go fuck yourselves!” The little girls and the parents were stunned into silence. The cranky old woman rolled off towards her car, not saying anything else.

I was sort of horrified but still choking back laughter as I strolled into the store.

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02.15.

The Valentine’s Day Walmart Wedding

BRUNSWICK COUNTY, NC (WECT) – A lot of people are used to hearing, “Cleanup on aisle three,” at stores like Walmart, but not usually, “Wedding in the layaway section!”

But one area couple decided to do just that — they tied the knot at their local Walmart Tuesday.

For Wayne and the new Susan Brandenburg, everyday low prices have led to happily ever after.

“She was a cashier at the time,” said Wayne. “I kept coming through and seeing her…my [former] wife died seven years ago, and I asked [Susan] out. For some reason, she said yes and it went from there.”

They wanted to share their special moment with all their friends, and they wanted to do something different.

“I love him and I’m going to stay with him for a long, long time…” said Susan.

The couple plans to take their honeymoon when the weather warms up.

They’re hoping to spend it in the mountains.

Story courtesy of WECT.

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11.09.

The Baseball Stud

I was school shopping late one night, just getting some binders and pencils, when a hispanic guy with a Terminix shirt on, a moustache, and a very generic and traditional hispanic name and also a seemingly nice guy walked up to me. Now, I play college baseball in a small town. We have a great reputation with our town and I was wearing one of my baseball hoodies. So I didnt find anything unusual when he pulled up behind me with his cart in line said hey and asked how the season is, and how I thought that we were going to do this year. Nothing unusual so far. I had four binders, a packet of pencils and notebook paper and I had them stacked up in my arms. I’m a fairly tall guy about 6’3″ and I am somewhat lanky, definitely not a meathead. He said, “I can see you have big muscles and everything, but you can put your stuff in my cart. I can’t have a good looking guy like you getting all tired and sweaty from carrying all of that stuff…” and smiling at me. I laughed a little because it weirded me out, and told him I was fine it was no big deal, turned around and kept waiting in line. He then asked me “So I bet you get a lot of girls, being a strapping young and good looking guy.” Ok, a little freaked out here, but still not too terrible. I answered back, “Yeah, but just about as much as the next guy.” He still smiled at me and then asked me “Hey man, are you sure you don’t wanna put your stuff in my cart? I really dont mind” I told him no and turned around. I kept wondering why the heck he wanted me to do so. But I turned around and just ignored him. Then I felt something hit my butt, he was pushing his cart onto me I turned around and he was checking me out. I am straight and this really freaked me out so I turned around and said “You know what? I forgot my highlighters, I’ll see ya later man,” and I walked off. As I get about 50 feet away, he yells “Alrighty Will, I’ll catch ya later man! Ill save you a spot if you want me to!?” OK, I hauled ass out of there because I never told him my name. I had to walk around a little bit so I wouldnt catch him again. But I never saw him again so no more late night trips to Walmart for me…

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People of Walmart - Funny Photos Of Walmart Shoppers - Humor Blog

People of Walmart is a humor blog that depicts the many customers of Walmart stores across the United States and Canada. Through funny photos and videos, People of Walmart is an entertainment blog in the Three Ring Blogs network that features over 30 of the funniest humor blogs on the internet. Walmart is the largest retail store in the United States and has millions of people visit stores each day wearing anything but proper attire.

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