Bathroom At Christmas

I was getting in some last minute Christmas shopping with a buddy. On the way home, he said he needed to stop at Walmart for some dog food. I begrudgingly accompanied him into the store. As we made our way through the store I began feeling the urge to go to the bathroom but thought I could hold it as there was no way I was using a Walmart toilet during the Christmas shopping rush. By the time we waited in line and made it to the cash register, I knew that I could hold it no longer. I rushed to the bathroom and opened the door to find every stall occupied except one. Thank God. I pushed open the stall door and my heart sank as I stared at a toilet filled to the rim with many “gifts” left by shoppers throughout the day. The toilet was obviously plugged and I was not even going to attempt a flush but I still could not hold it any longer. I dropped my pants, careful to try an hold them up with my knees. I then braced my arms against the stall walls so that I may hover precariously above the seat. And then I took care of business. Unfortunately, as I was finishing up, I heard a little blurp and what I can only guess was a small pocket of trapped air released and splashed my backside. The thirty minute ride home to a shower was long and uncomfortable. I have never been back to a Walmart.

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