A few years ago I was out at night with my parents and before heading home they decided that they needed to go get a few things at Wal-Mart. It was about 9:00 pm so the place was fairly crowded but we were lucky enough to find a parking spot pretty close to the front doors. Well I was tired and a bit lazy so I decided to stay in the car and listen to the radio while they went inside and shopped. Now I’m not going to say what happened next was funny or disgusting or worthy of being posted on PoWM but it was an unique experience and I feel kinda left out that nothing truly amazing has happened to me at Wal-Mart, so I’m going to try.
After a few minutes I noticed a couple girls walking out but didn’t pay them too much attention until they got to their car which was parked on the next aisle over from where I was. They just stood around outside their car and talked for a few minutes (big deal, right?) but then they started making out. (Yes, another making out at the wally world story) Now, I just think it is in bad taste for anyone to make out, regardless of sexual orientation, in a very public place.
But, I thought “Whatever floats their boat” and continued to jam out to some tunes. But, since they were pretty much right in front of me I couldn’t help but watch in fascination as they continued to make out oblivious to the world around them. Well after a few minutes of this I guess they decided that making out on the back of their car wasn’t enough. So they get in the front seats of their vehicle (which I thought was odd given what happened next) and I see their seat backs lower and soon disappear. Now (1) if you are going to be doing that get in the back seat, it’s a lot more comfortable and (2) don’t do it in such a public place where anyone can just walk up and see you…which is exactly what happened.
A few minutes later this guy comes out of Wal-Mart and apparantly notices the activity in the car. So he gets to within about 2 feet of the car and watches…he was still watching about 15 minutes later when my parents finally came out and we left. Subtle dude, real subtle.
I decided to go into my local Wal-Mart last night to grab a few items around 11:30. Surprisingly, I only saw one powermullet, and was quite sad that I didn’t catch any humorous displays as I usually do, until I got to the checkout line. Of course, only two lanes were open, but I got lucky and ended up behind two people. The first person had a buggy full, but the second guy had three 40 ounce beers. In my town, it is against the law to sell an alcoholic beverage after midnight, so when the guy finally got to the counter, he was quite dismayed to hear that he couldn’t purchase his beers because it was now 12:02.
“BUT I’VE BEEN WAITING IN LINE FOR 10 MINUTES!” he yelled at the obviously grumpy young “lady” at the register. Another customer piped in and told him just to drive over the bridge that separates our town from our “sister” city which does sell after midnight. This just made the hostile drunk even more hostile. “NO, I want my beer, NOW!” He finally accepted the fact that the register would not allow the girl to even ring the beer up and stumbled/stomped towards the doors.
I ended up, as unlucky and unbelievable as it sounds, being parked right next to this drunk. By the time I got to my car, a good 5 minutes after he walked out, he was trying frantically to unlock his car. He couldn’t get the key into the hole for the life of him. Finally, though, he succeded and almost belly flopped into the driver’s seat. I watched in horror (and slight amusement) as he, I assume, attempted to put his car in reverse, but instead put it in drive, and went through the bars of the shopping cart return and snowplowed about 20 carts. I’d never seen a shopping cart fly until last night.
I can’t believe that I’m even submitting this story, but it’s too good NOT to share.
It was Mexican night. We’d had refried beans, tacos… quite literally, the whole enchilada. My step-daughter and I were browsing in the toy department for a board game that we could take back for a family game night. I saw one title that piqued my interest, and I practically climbed the shelves to grab the box from the top shelf. After about five minutes of reading about the game, I decided it wasn’t “the one,” and I stretched back on tiptoe to put it back on the top shelf. It didn’t sit well. In fact, it wobbled and started to fall back towards my step-daughter’s head. In an attempt to save her from being beaned by the boardgame, I jumped up to catch the falling box. As I came back down… it happened. It’s funny how a fart seems so much louder when it’s happening in a public setting… and under duress.
My step-daughter’s eyes grew as big as saucers, and she whispered, “I know you didn’t just…” I just fell into laughter… until…
That’s when I realized that there was this kid standing right behind me… about butt level. I had farted on some random child in the Wal-mart toy department! His parents and siblings thought it was hilarious… I did, too… even though it was incredibly embarrassing at the time.
I just want to say to that kid… wherever you are… I’m sorry for cutting the cheese on your head. Blame it on gravity…
I pulled into the local Wal-Mart over the weekend and saw something that I had to pass on. The Girl Scouts were out front selling cookies, approaching customers as they exited the store.
Two little girls, about 8 years old go bouncing up to this old woman in one of those electric scooter/shopping cart things. “Hi, we are with—-”
They are interrupted by the old woman shouting: “You two can go fuck yourselves!” The little girls and the parents were stunned into silence. The cranky old woman rolled off towards her car, not saying anything else.
I was sort of horrified but still choking back laughter as I strolled into the store.