Stories

03.26.

Oil Me Up

I’ve had the displeasure of working as a mechanic for the Wal-Mart Tire and Lube Express (TLE) attached to our local Wal-Mart for about a year now. Yesterday, this 40-something year old lady came in driving a 2009 Nissan Altima, beautiful car, very nice, 32k miles, pretty much brand new. Trouble is, I heard the engine knocking the second it pulled up, and I was in the bathroom in the lobby. She gets out and gives me a huge ditzy grin and says “I think I may need an oil change.” It takes me a second to process that statement as I sit in awe listening to the poor motor knock, tick, scrape, rattle, and make every noise a motor shouldn’t make. I checked her oil level, and the dipstick was bone dry, save for a few jet black, crumbled bits of burned up, dirty, ancient oil, and more metal flakes than an Ozzy concert. I looked in the cab and clear as day, the NO OIL PRESSURE light was on, the grim little red oil can that serves as a suicide note for an engine. I asked her how long it had been since she had had an oil change, still trying to process how such a new and supposedly reliable car was so desperately trying to commit hara-kiri.To my shock and awe, the lady says “Oh, I’ve never had the oil changed. I bought the car new a few months ago and the change oil light didn’t come on until just now.” I stared at her and asked her if she meant the little red oil can of death. She giggled and replied “Yeah that’s it, isn’t it amazing that they can tell you when to change your oil now?” When I informed her that that light means no oil pressure she just shrugged it off, saying that it was no big deal. Right on cue, there is a snap and a pop and the motor dies in a horrible, metal rending schreech. Long story short, me and the customer went back at forth, her screaming at me for accusing her of being incompetent, me trying to explain in layman’s terms why her car is dead and how it’s all her fault while wearing my best customer service smile, and it finally ended with her calling me a rotten bastard for making her feel stupid and that I should rot in hell. My reply? “Look, lady, this ISN’T rocket science. Your engine NEEDS oil or this is exactly what happens. It’s YOUR responsibility to maintain your vehicle, and to know and understand what each light means, and if you’re too much of a pretentious c*nt to figure that out, you REALLY have no business on the road, much less buying a brand new car.” I got a verbal warning, my manager was too busy laughing to fill out any written forms.

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4 Comments Stories
03.16.

Peanutty

My mom used to be a Customer Service Manager at Wally World. I went to pick her up one day, and as we were walking out this old lady grabs my mom’s arm and says she needs help. The following exchange took place:

Mom- “What can I help you with, ma’am?”
Lady- “My husband is trying to kill me!”
Mom- “What? ¬†How?”
Lady- “Well, I’m allergic to peanuts and I think he put peanuts in my chips!” (She then pulls out an bag of chips that have not been opened).
Mom- “Those are not open, so how would he have put peanuts in them?”
Lady- ” I don’t know, I think he injects them with a needle!!!”

We helped the lady to the breakroom and let her call the cops to “investigate”.

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10 Comments Stories
01.24.

Booty Everywhere

Last night I made a quick run to Walmart to pickup a few things and to my horror there is this 400 pound-ish woman walking around in BOOTY SHORTS!!!! Why she left the house that night thinking that what she had on was a good idea is beyond me but, I think it’s safe to say I’m scarred for life. There’s NO excuse for that.

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10 Comments Stories
10.18.

Good Vibrations

When I worked over night as a cashier this 40 something year old women would come in a couple nights a week with her 13 or 14 year old daughter, both were always obviously drunk. This lady was always doing crazy things, but one night just topped them all. I rung up all of her items and told her the total and she put her purse down on the counter to get her wallet. When her purse hit the counter something started buzzing, I assumed it was a cell phone, but she thought it would be approiate to say,”Sorry that’s just my vibrator.” She then pulled it out of her purse and turned it off. Even worse is that it wasn’t exactly ‘travel size’, and her daughter was standing right next to her laughing her ass off.

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18 Comments Funny  //  Stories

People of Walmart - Funny Photos Of Walmart Shoppers - Humor Blog

People of Walmart is a humor blog that depicts the many customers of Walmart stores across the United States and Canada. Through funny photos and videos, People of Walmart is an entertainment blog in the Three Ring Blogs network that features over 30 of the funniest humor blogs on the internet. Walmart is the largest retail store in the United States and has millions of people visit stores each day wearing anything but proper attire. Hello Flippa.

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