Smithers, Release the Hounds

Tonight I ran in to get some things at the Moraine, Ohio, Walmart. We were there near the new closing time (the store was 24 hours before someone got shot in the parking lot and there was a rape or two). At five minutes to 11 p.m., over the intercom comes the closing announcement: “Attention […]

My Own Wal-Creature

Every Wal-Mart has its own ‘regulars’ (Willy the Pimp!) and our store is now different. We have ‘Bad Ad-match Lady,’ ‘Smelly Cat Guy,’ ‘Arbor Mist Lady,’ and so on and so on. After three years of working for Wal-Mart as a cashier, I finally got to nickname my very own Wal-Creature. It was an unusually […]

I Wanna F*** You Like An Animal

I was working in the pet department one late Friday night and I was the only one around at the time. I was scrubbing the tanks when these two furries, one was dressed like a wolf and the other was a moose wearing a bikini, walked up to me and asked me where the dog […]