Stories

11.09.

The Baseball Stud

I was school shopping late one night, just getting some binders and pencils, when a hispanic guy with a Terminix shirt on, a moustache, and a very generic and traditional hispanic name and also a seemingly nice guy walked up to me. Now, I play college baseball in a small town. We have a great reputation with our town and I was wearing one of my baseball hoodies. So I didnt find anything unusual when he pulled up behind me with his cart in line said hey and asked how the season is, and how I thought that we were going to do this year. Nothing unusual so far. I had four binders, a packet of pencils and notebook paper and I had them stacked up in my arms. I’m a fairly tall guy about 6’3″ and I am somewhat lanky, definitely not a meathead. He said, “I can see you have big muscles and everything, but you can put your stuff in my cart. I can’t have a good looking guy like you getting all tired and sweaty from carrying all of that stuff…” and smiling at me. I laughed a little because it weirded me out, and told him I was fine it was no big deal, turned around and kept waiting in line. He then asked me “So I bet you get a lot of girls, being a strapping young and good looking guy.” Ok, a little freaked out here, but still not too terrible. I answered back, “Yeah, but just about as much as the next guy.” He still smiled at me and then asked me “Hey man, are you sure you don’t wanna put your stuff in my cart? I really dont mind” I told him no and turned around. I kept wondering why the heck he wanted me to do so. But I turned around and just ignored him. Then I felt something hit my butt, he was pushing his cart onto me I turned around and he was checking me out. I am straight and this really freaked me out so I turned around and said “You know what? I forgot my highlighters, I’ll see ya later man,” and I walked off. As I get about 50 feet away, he yells “Alrighty Will, I’ll catch ya later man! Ill save you a spot if you want me to!?” OK, I hauled ass out of there because I never told him my name. I had to walk around a little bit so I wouldnt catch him again. But I never saw him again so no more late night trips to Walmart for me…

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32 Comments Stories
03.28.

From Bob The Poet

I was sitting home alone one night
Feeling a little bored.
I stumbled upon a web site
With pictures from a store.
I wasted half the night away,
Clicking through the pics.
Some were laugh loud funny
And some were down right sick.

People of WalMart, all across the land.
People of WalMart, I’ve become a fan.
You never know who you’ll see
As you walk down that next aisle.
People of WalMart
Always make me smile.

There was that chubby lady
With her boobs tucked in her pants.
Could that have been the latest
Fashion trend from France?
That sexy little thing
Just looked a little weird.
I knew why on the next pic
When I saw the beard.

People of WalMart, all across the land.
People of WalMart, I’ve become a fan.
You never know who you’ll see
As you walk down that next aisle.
People of WalMart
Always make me smile.

Now I don’t put these people down
To each his or her own.
But I often wonder
If they have mirrors at home.
Are these individuals
Crazy, blind or brave.
I don’t know, but I will bet
Sam Walton’s spinning in his grave.

People of WalMart, all across the land.
People of WalMart, I’ve become a fan.
You never know who you’ll see
As you walk down that next aisle.
People of WalMart
Always make me smile.

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10 Comments Funny  //  Stories
06.12.

Peeping Mike

Utica – The Utica public works employee’s job with the city is up in the air after admitting in court Wednesday that he placed a camera under women’s skirts in a Walmart store last summer, officials said.

Michael Scotellaro, 54, of Utica, pleaded guilty in Oneida County Court to second-degree unlawful surveillance, a felony.

Scotellaro is due to be sentenced by Judge Barry M. Donalty on Wednesday, May 30, at which time he will be placed on 5 years of probation with six months of house arrest. Scotellaro could go to prison as a second felony offender if he commits any more felonies in the next 10 years, Donalty warned.

“It won’t happen,” Scotellaro said about any future crimes.

Scotellaro also was initially charged last October with six felony counts of possessing a sexual performance of a child after police reported that child pornography had been discovered on his home computer.

But in court, there was no mention of the alleged child pornography, which Scotellaro’s attorney had previously denied Scotellaro had any knowledge of.

“Prosecutors dismissed the whole pornography case in exchange for his guilty plea to the unlawful surveillance,” said Scotellaro’s attorney, Frank Policelli.

Although Scotellaro continues to work as a heavy equipment operator for the city, DPW officials said they are considering whether his guilty plea will affect his employment.

“We’re going to be having some discussions to see where we’re going to go with this, as far as what we may do with him,” city DPW Commissioner David Short said. “It’s relatively new to all of us, so we’re still trying to wrap our thoughts around all of this.”

In court, Scotellaro admitted that he followed women in the North Utica Walmart and placed a camera up their skirts last summer without their knowledge.

But because Scotellaro was not asked in court to specify any dates or times, it remains unclear whether he committed these acts while he was on city work time. Although prosecutors declined to comment on that issue, Short said it is something he will look into.

“Whatever the DA may give us to review, at that point we’ll see what evidence we have against him and then we’ll make a decision at that point,” Short said.

By pleading guilty, Scotellaro waived his right to have his case presented to a grand jury.

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5 Comments Funny  //  Stories
09.09.

So Close

I was in the world of Wally the other day with my husband, grabbing a few items we needed, but couldn’t get in a one stop spot save from Walmart. Reluctantly, we grabbed a cart, and to our surprise, it wasn’t broken. We made our way through the store to pick up milk, shampoo, a new Rock band controller, some yarn and dog food. Went off without a hitch. Everything was on the shelves, clearly marked and priced, and an associate even offered help on her own free will. There weren’t any screaming babies or half clad over weight women. I didn’t even see a single mullet. Convinced I was about to wake up at any moment, I decided to rush to the front to pay for our items and high tail it outta there to see if we’d won the lottery or inherited some small profitable country. We get to the front, and the lanes are open. Open with no customers. No waiting to check out… Surely hell’s temperature had dropped to 14 Kelvins. We check out and just as we’re about to hand over the money, the store manager walked by us. There was a smell lingering in the air so putrid I gagged. I looked around, and the manager himself had exploded in what must’ve been the in store Taco Bell, and there is feces stained on the back of his pants and coming down his right leg, even leaving a trail on the floor. I swiped my card as quickly as I could, exchanged a look with my husband of disgust and we hurriedly left the store.

Once we got to the car I felt very foolish and stupid that I could assume a perfect visit to Walmart is more than just fantasy… still beating myself up over than one.

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19 Comments Stories

People of Walmart - Funny Photos Of Walmart Shoppers - Humor Blog

People of Walmart is a humor blog that depicts the many customers of Walmart stores across the United States and Canada. Through funny photos and videos, People of Walmart is an entertainment blog in the Three Ring Blogs network that features over 30 of the funniest humor blogs on the internet. Walmart is the largest retail store in the United States and has millions of people visit stores each day wearing anything but proper attire. Hello Flippa.

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