I was working for a summer at a Wal-Mart as a cashier. No one told me that this is the weirdest position to have. You are the one who interacts with the customers the most, and as a result you get to hear the weirdest sh**. One day, I was working a regular, boring morning shift, and a man comes through my till with a bag of parrot food. I said good morning, and he grunts in the usual way a customer does if they don’t particularly want to talk to me. So I just scan the parrot food, and it comes in (for a four pound bag) to be about thirteen dollars. He looks very shocked, and I’m expecting him to say something like “it said on the sign it was only…” but instead he just smiles at me (in a very creepy way) and this is how the following conversation went:
Man: Do you have a senior citizen discount…?
Me: Sorry, sir, we don’t.
Man: YOU DIDN’T LET ME FINISH! Do you have a senior citizen discount for parrots? I have a very old parrot.
Me: (stifling laughter) No, sir, I’m sorry. That’ll be thirteen dollars.
(Then man then proceeds to reach into his pocket and throw down a bunch of change and dollar bills. I stand there for a moment, and then he glares at me, expecting me to fish through all the money myself. I do so, wanting him out of the store sooner rather than later. He then stares at the remaining change on the conveyor belt.)
Me: Here’s your receipt, sir.
(The man, ignoring me, starts to collect the change on the conveyor belt.)
Man: I can’t believe you made me dump my pockets on here.
(I wasn’t sure what to say or do, so I just offered him his receipt again.)
Man: (picking up the bag, and smiling) Thank you. My life partner and I thank you.
(I’m pretty sure by life partner he meant his parrot, because as he said this, he pointed at the parrot on the bag. I never had another customer that scared me that much.)
My friend and I were walking into a Walmart not long ago when we noticed what seemed to be a little girl, 3 years old or so, digging in the back of her pants. As we got closer we realized that she was not digging in her pants, she was trying to pull them up as her speed walking mother pulled her along by her other arm. I felt bad for the toddler whos bottom was now exposed to the world, so I rushed to catch up to Momma Speed Walker and as I closed in the mother turned to yell at her child for going too slow. She looked at the little girl in disgust and loudly demanded for her to pull up her pants, as if it were the child’s fault that her mother put her in pants that were two sizes too small and wouldn’t stay up.
After giving her a look that singed her soul I made sure to comment about her parenting.
So, last weekend my husband stopped into our Walmart, bought some frozen vegetables and was checking out. The cashier picked up a box of brussel sprouts and said, “Do you eat these?” Which I responded, “Yes, as weird as it sounds, I love them!” My husband laughed because he thinks they are gross.
She looked at me very shocked and said, “I could never eat those. Sometimes I eat peas. But what is that inside of peas? Potato?” She was dead serious. She thought peas were stuffed with potatoes. We have been laughing about this for a week.
As my husband, our good friends and I were leaving Walmart one night my husband spots what he thinks is a wad of dollar bills on the ground. He picks it up only to discover it is $1 wrapped around a piece of poo.
Freaked out he drops the money and we look around for the hidden cameras and hand sanitizer. That had to have been a prank. Who would wrap a piece of poo with money and leave it outside of a Walmart?
As we look around for the hidden camera we spot a typical Walmart customer bend over, pick up the poo encrusted dollar, shake off the bill, wipe it on her sweat pants and stick it in her pocket.