While doing a bit of grocery shopping last week, I think I cracked the reason for the high obesity rate in America. As I rounded from one aisle to the next, I saw an end cap filled with various candy bars. There was a couple browsing the selection. I wouldn’t classify them as obese, but they were most certainly overweight. As the husband reached for a package of candy bars I overheard his wife say (with absolutely no sense of sarcasm in her voice), “Not those ones, grab the Mounds bars. They have coconut in them and you could use the extra fruit.”
Local country fan Reginald Spears was arrested over the weekend for merchandise tampering at the new Super Walmart out on the bypass. The details of his infractions are unique, to say the least.
Third-shift electronics cashier Lena Johnston first noticed Spears rifling through the country CD section and filling a grocery cart with at least 100 discs before leaving the department. She thought he was just a rabid music fan until he returned 15 minutes later with the same cart and began slipping CDs back onto the shelves while looking around suspiciously.
Johnston walked over to Spears and asked if he’d decided not to make the massive music purchase. Spears responded “Yeah, yeah uh, yes ma’am” and began sweating profusely. He became spooked shortly afterwards and haphazardly threw the remainder of his CDs on the shelf before walking away. Johnston investigated the country section and noticed that it was full of unwrapped, well-worn CDs that Spears had apparently brought from his home. Spears was apprehended by security, mostly without incident, before leaving the store.
“I looked on the shelf and where Rascal Flatts was supposed to be, that scruffy looking man had put Flatt & Smugs or something like that… and where Taylor Swift had been, he’d replaced it with Tanya Tucker. I guess he’d stole all them new CDs and tried to replace ‘em with his old junk,” said a perplexed Johnston.
Fresh out on bail, Mr. Spears had a far different story. “I didn’t shoplift nothin’. I told the cops they could find all that country pop bullsh*t in the Rubbermaid garbage cans in home wares… where that crap belongs,” said Spears. “I was just trying to give the people around here some damn culture, so I brought my whole collection up here to give away for free. Of course, I’ve got it all ripped on my laptop. My alphabetizing skills might be lacking, but I ain’t stupid.”
“Can you believe they didn’t have a Jerry Reed CD in the whole god***n store?” he continued. “Well, for 15 shining minutes last Friday night, they did.”
The shoplifting charges against Spears were dropped but he still faces misdemeanor charges of mischief and merchandise tampering. For his part, Reginald is considering legal action against the store.
Spears explained: “They threw all my CDs in the dumpster and broke ‘em, them motherf***ers! I’m suing their asses for destruction of property and mental anguish. I was just trying to help this town out… I’m a by-God patriot!”
Walmart officials had no comment on the situation.
I was a CSM in a brand new store that was pretty understaffed. Most of my lunches had to be covered by my support manager, or any assistant manager who was feeling nice.
One day when I came back, my support manager shoved the palm pilot and the schedule board into my hands and semi-yelled as she practically ran off, “I’M NEVER GOING TO COVER FOR YOU AGAIN!” … The lines weren’t long, customers seemed generally happy, all the breaks and meals were taken care of before I left… I didn’t know what her deal was until a service desk associate told me to go look at the lady standing at the service desk…
I stood there for a minute, signing slips and pretending to be there for a reason. I finally realized what she was talking about and almost tripped over myself while doing so — this lady had baby opossums in her hair!! LIVE baby opossums! The cashier finished the transaction and the other customers, who had been standing as far away as possible, came to the front, all astonished at the opossum lady…
Later I talked my APC (asset protection coordinator) to show me and the other CSM who came in a few hours later into showing us the tape. We watched as customers realized and backed off, covering their mouths while pointing at her hair.. But the real gem was our support manager, who was leaning towards her most of the time, not realizing the movement in her hair until she looked up about halfway through the transaction. She backed away suddenly – far enough to hit the back desk – and screamed not once, not twice, but three times all the while clutching at her heart. The lady wasn’t so amused…
Ah, man… One good thing that Walmart has done for me — I have some pretty dumbfounding stories now!!!
BRUNSWICK COUNTY, NC (WECT) – A lot of people are used to hearing, “Cleanup on aisle three,” at stores like Walmart, but not usually, “Wedding in the layaway section!”
But one area couple decided to do just that — they tied the knot at their local Walmart Tuesday.
For Wayne and the new Susan Brandenburg, everyday low prices have led to happily ever after.
“She was a cashier at the time,” said Wayne. “I kept coming through and seeing her…my [former] wife died seven years ago, and I asked [Susan] out. For some reason, she said yes and it went from there.”
They wanted to share their special moment with all their friends, and they wanted to do something different.
“I love him and I’m going to stay with him for a long, long time…” said Susan.
The couple plans to take their honeymoon when the weather warms up.
They’re hoping to spend it in the mountains.
Story courtesy of WECT.